Sahara Jade Pagan. 

22 year old from NJ 

I’m a sagittarius if anyone cared 

Ambidextrous, can write and eat with both hands fun fact 

Just graduated from fashion school without studying fashion. Doesn’t really know what she wants to do work wise but will definitely be somewhere in the entertainment industry. Working for TV, Music, Award Shows, Movies, concerts, music festivals. etc. 

Unless provoked, I think I’m pretty reserved. But once, you get to know me, I’m the biggest goof ball. I also like to think Im funny and enjoyable to be around but idk ask my friends. 

I love eating, trying new foods, enjoying the outdoors, and TRAVELING. Since quarantine started Ive truly learned to appreciate being outside and even during the smallest moments. (Walking my dog, taking out the trash, checking the mail) Watching the sunset after it had rained earlier. Idk its all so beautiful. 

My love language? Love spending time with people. We don’t have to be up each others ass but would definitely prefer it to be that way. jk not really  

I love music, concerts, and music festivals. I listen to all music, literally all. I even listened to full blown country albums for the last guy I was talking to. She’s open to it alllll 

What makes you feel sexy?

What makes me feel sexy is the music I listen to. I remember being 17 and creating a “luvin” playlist on Spotify that had songs like Trading Places, Birthday Sex, and Dance for You on there. Then recently I created a “feeling sexcii” playlist which is basically a new and improved version that have songs like P*$$Y Fairy (OTW), Do You…, Dive, etc. (Just incase anyone needed anyone recs) I never wanted to rely on other people, partners, or significant others on making me feel sexy. I also am a big music lover. i used to play the flute in middle school, I can sing, and if you know me, anyone could attest to the fact that I spend majority of time at live concerts. So, it only makes sense that the sexual parts of me also stems from my consistent love for music. 

  • So, these playlist helps set that certain mood in my life when needed. 
  • they also allow me to move in a sexy way, motivate me to put on clothes that make me feel sexy etc

What are your dreams? 

My dream is to be happy with every part of my life. Love, family, career, etc. Not that I’m not happy now but I feel as human beings we are never capable of being satisfied with everything or our lives as a whole. There has to be something wrong with SOMETHING. Which is okay, but I would love to just sit back and be satisfied with everything and I know that is achievable for me and us all. 

I also dream one day to be successful in any way that fits me and my talents best. And to be RICH! haha

What do you struggle with? 

I struggle with anxiety. Have been dealing with it since as long as I can remember which was in the 1st grade. I remember crying over being late to school or shaking when I wasn’t being picked up on time for/from school. Constantly. I was young and didn’t think much of it until it followed me all the way to my adult years and knew I had to do something about it. 

I started meditating, spending more time outdoors, burning incense, stretching, removing what was negative from my life, and doing the things that made me feel good and happy inside. I would spend time journaling and speaking positive affirmations over myself. I believe what you begin to speak over yourself, will shortly come to fruition. 

What do you want to see changed?

Ugh where do I even start. This world has so much fixing. Its draining to even think about but a big piece of me believes that everything will somehow turn around. 

I’ve always been the one to prioritize my needs (some may say I’m selfish or a bitch) but it just adds to my research, so thank you. The power a simple “no” has is incredible. While I understand how a rude tone of voice, a nasty word, or a manipulative statement can come across as selfish – voicing your boundaries and what you’re comfy with is not. It’s called showing up for yourself, taking care of your needs, and protecting your valuable energy.

Getting a text from someone that says , “Hey I don’t f*king like you at all let’s stop hanging” is a lot different than a text that sets healthy boundaries such as – “Hey, I am emotionally not ready to be serious with anyone. I hope you understand and wish you the best.” Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but that second reply doesn’t sound bitchy or inconsiderate to me. In fact, it sounds like the person is taking responsibility for their feelings and being up-front. What a concept!

I would rather have someone tell me they are not emotionally stable v.s. 12 months down the road, I’m imagining our kids together, and I get a good old “I can’t do this anymore” text and I’m blocked. It happens.

I am the most sensitive person in the world. Seriously, I am like a soft mushy sponge. But even I wouldn’t get mad at a thoughtful, open, and honest message from someone. There is a difference between being straight up rude vs communicating a need. Being a people pleaser is in our nature, but trust me, it can hurt you over time. Learning how to say no and standing your ground in your values, needs, and wants is life changing. Of course, saying yes is easier, more comfortable, and socially acceptable. Saying no is at times – difficult, can cause you to feel guilty, fearful, or uncomfortable. These are all normal feelings that occur when saying no, AKA setting boundaries.

It’s important to realize that setting boundaries are there to protect your well-being. Setting them can disappoint others, temporarily upset them, or cause them to make you feel like a toxic grudge holding human. Setting boundaries means you have the courage to put your needs first and love yourself. And if the person truly doesn’t understand where you are coming from, you may want to re-evaluate your relationship.

Tip #1 Do You Even Have a Cat? 

Boundaries come in all different shapes and forms. A boundary can be asking for alone time, asking for personal space, or simply leaving a party early because you want to. A common mistake I see in boundaries is coming up with excuses. Saying “Oh I forgot I have a project due, and a book to read, and a cat to feed, and blah blah blah” is not setting a boundary – it’s called being dishonest. Do not make excuses for emotional, physical, or mental needs! Be honest and kind, simply decline the dinner offer and say you don’t feel well enough to go.

Tip #2 Shut Up

Don’t over explain! We tend to think that more is better and in some cases this is true. But when it comes to expressing a need, less is okay. If you truly want to give a lot of detail and explain the deep depths of your mental state to someone go ahead, but a simple “Hey I’m not mentally feeling okay I will reply to this later” is okay. Normalize not replying to someone until you are ready. Waiting until you are ready to be there for someone is so important because we can be our best support systems after we show up for ourselves. If you have a hard time showing up for yourself, I recommend starting the day with a mindful practice – such as yoga, meditation, reading, or journaling.

Tip #3 Self- Care is Not Glamorous

If I see one more face mask with a caption “self care” I might actually go insane. Do face masks help you grow or do they just feel good ? Or do they just look like you are taking care of yourself ? I’m sorry, (I love a good face mask don’t come at me) but self-care is not just bubble baths, face masks, and pedicures. While these are all great to do, and treating yourself is a must, self-care is not always nice. Self-care can look like – making difficult decisions, taking responsibility for your actions, spending time in your discomfort and pain, and confronting what you’re avoiding. So next time you need a night off for “self-care” don’t be afraid to call it an emotional break or mental overload.

Tip #4 Boundaries are Not Just for Boos 

You can also set boundaries with friends or anyone else in your life! Hearing a boundary from a friend, colleague, or family member can be just as difficult and uncomfortable. But it is necessary and okay to do. A boss may email you, “No I cannot meet Monday. What about Tuesday?” This does not mean they are not interested in you for the job, it just means they are human and have a life. Don’t get discouraged!

Boundaries set with friends can sound like “I am struggling with my own mental health right now, I can’t fully be there for you at the moment but I care for you” or “I only have 10 minutes to grab a coffee” or “I can’t talk right now, I’m headed to work.” These are all honest, open, and healthy statements to say. Your friends should understand you have needs too and allow you to communicate them.

I know this is all a lot, and this can sound intimidating and difficult to achieve. But I promise once you start becoming aware of boundaries and even just including this type of language in your life, you will see a difference. Setting boundaries allows us to show up for ourselves and become more compassionate, understanding, and patient partners.

If someone invalidates your boundary, I recommend removing them from your close circle. If they are new to boundary talk, talk to them and try to educate them on healthy boundary conversations. We all have needs, wants, limits, and values. It is okay to express them.

If you are unfamiliar with what is a boundary for you, I recommend writing in a journal or even your phone notes. Write down what bothers you, what you value, what you emotionally need, etc. Boundaries do not mean you don’t care for the other person – they mean you love them and yourself at the same time.

xx

Manifestation, aka the law of attraction, sounds silly and like a stupid scientific theory, but it actually works. If you focus on something you want, create positive energy around it, and truly believe in it, it will come to you. I know this all sounds very unrealistic, and sort of like a hoax. But according to the experts, manifesting your love life can get you that hot dreamy partner your lusting over.

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The concept sounds simple; create a hot 6’2 boy in your head, think about that person 24/7, and know that you want him. Ha, the difference is, manifestation can only occur when you take a step back and truly reflect. You can’t just wish for a sexy boy who has a relationship with their mother, a house in the Hamptons, and knows how to handle his emotions. You have to truly believe that’s what you’re worthy of. And the only way to know what you deserve is to do a lot (and I mean a lotttttt) of reflecting, bubble baths, writing, and getting drunk alone. Two glasses of wine and you’ll be less hard on yourself. Here are my steps on how to manifest your love life. Begin at step one!

1st Step: Know Yourself

As I mentioned prior, take time to really get to know yourself. We often think that running to the grocery store, lying in bed watching Gossip Girl, or making a microwaveable dinner is considered “alone time.” True alone time is not this. It’s a cliché, but when you love yourself and know your needs, wants, and desires, you can easily manifest. I recommend spending 15-30 minutes each day alone getting to know your deepest, and sometimes scariest, self. Write in a journal, meditate, stand in front of a mirror and ask yourself questions about how you feel. You can ask yourself some hard questions like; What do you struggle with? Physically and emotionally? How do you want to be treated? What behaviors in a partner will you not tolerate? You have to become comfortable with being alone in your mind and body, before truly manifesting a healthy and positive relationship.

2nd Step: Be The Person You Want

I’ve had so many people tell me they want a wholesome, kind, loving, responsible partner; yet, they go out every night, don’t know their bodies, never have alone time, and have a hard time accepting themselves. How do you expect to receive a partner that is loving and positive when you aren’t any of that ?! Seriously, if you are looking for a night-in cooking, ambitious, hardworking partner but you are staying out till 2 am and not progressing yourself, why would someone who is ambitious come to you? I know, it’s harsh. But someone’s got to say it.

Become the person you want to attract. Of course your partner will have differences, but when it comes to values, needs, and wants, try to be on the same playing field.

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3rd Step: Be Around the People You Want to Attract

Another thing I always hear, “Why can’t I find a boyfriend who has his sh*t together and makes time for me?” Well, sis, you’re trying to find a sustainable partner at the club or the super annoyingly trendy bar on a Friday night… it’s probs not the best setting for your search. If you want a partner who is fun, flirty, adventurous, and always around people go ahead! Flirt away! But, if you want to low-key settle down and nourish a relationship, the people at these kinds of places are most likely in their 20’s and just want to have a good time.

Of course, then comes the question “Well then where do I meet someone?!” I recommend normalizing coffee shops, parks, a local restaurant, similar interest events, or mutual friends. If you see a cutie at the coffee shop, make a move. There are only so many men who read an actual book at a coffee shop on a Saturday morning left in this world, for crying out loud.

4th Step: Be Around the Friends you Want Your Partner to be Like

After you have exhausted your journal, and you are now feeling a little self-conscious, take it even further by re-evaluating your friends! Ask yourself what qualities they have and how that reflects on who you are. The people we surround ourselves with are a direct reflection of what we value. If we are surrounded by people who are creative, open, loving, and kind, the likelihood of you absorbing those qualities are higher. Just like when we are around negative people we feel it, we feel positive people too. Obviously don’t ditch your friend who might be going through something and is not so optimistic – but do think about what energies you are constantly around.

It’s all about the energies. If you don’t believe in energy but you are the person to always ask “What’s your sign?!” I think you should give the idea of energy a try.

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5th Step: Know Your Boundaries

I briefly mentioned this in the 1st step, but it deserves its own step completely. Becoming aware of what you do not want is just as important as becoming aware of what you do. This takes a lot of hard reflection as well, and I recommend dedicating a section in your journal for this. If you are consistently giving your time and energy to an unavailable, untrustworthy, or unforgiving, partner you are tolerating a negative energy. You are not showing up for yourself and setting a boundary for how you want to be treated. This is where many people lose their manifestation.

Setting a boundary, aka knowing exactly what you tolerate, is crucial. It makes it easier for us to walk away from a negative partner when we are confident in our boundaries. The clearer you are on what pisses you off, what you can sort of manage, and what simply crosses a line, the faster you can manifest. When we know what we do not want, we do not waste energy on anything that does meet those needs.

Last but not least, be easy on yourself and have patience. I know this was somewhat pessimistic, and we do need bad relationships so we can appreciate the good. But when it comes to manifesting, I have seen too many people I care about, myself included, stay in a negative energy. And it only results in reoccurring negative relationships.

Manifesting is simply tuning in, truly reflecting, and becoming more aware of who you are and what you deserve. For someone who has been treated poorly in the past, I know how hard this simple message can be. Allow yourself to feel the hurt and pain from the past, but try to open up again and trust yourself in the process.

Xx

I’ve had my fair share of people avoiding therapy when they need it. And I don’t just mean just men, I mean anyone avoiding it. Mental health is incredibly stigmatized for everyone. You are either crazy, weird, lame, insane, etc if you are mentally unstable.

Men’s mental health stats in particular are alarming. Men commit suicide 3 times the rate of women, they account for almost 70% of suicides, and it’s the biggest killer for men under 45. Suicide is obviously a problem for men, but why? Why do men turn to drugs and abuse alcohol more than females? A factor that can result in more overdoses/suicides.

We tend to ignore the very real issues that men face in our country. We tell them to be strong, focus on making $$, and to be stoic. But this message leaves no room for men to make mistakes, seek help, and feel their negative emotions in a comforting space. Tens of thousands of men are dying a year, and although suicide is majorly complex, we can’t ignore a major factor: society’s mental health stigma.

Men are overwhelmingly and disproportionately represented in suicide stats. Although everyone suffers from mental health “bashing” men, or anyone in that matter, does not help. When we raise our boys to “toughen up” and that value can be found in not such fulfilling things, (such as cars, $$, their looks, women, sex, drugs) they grow up to struggle with their mental health. As a result, mental health conditions are under-reported and under-detected in men, leaving them vulnerable to suicide.

We need to desperately reframe help-seeking. Men may avoid asking for help because they fear it makes them weak or a failure. Finding ways to change this horrible perspective is crucial in reducing male suicide rates. We need to raise men differently, and continue to offer a supportive, tender, and heartwarming environment.

Boys need to be taught how to care and love not only themselves, but other men as well. Men need phrases like “Hug it Out” not “Toughen up.” Intimate emotions are often only for a romantic relationship, this also needs to change. Men should be told that having a close relationship with other man is not gay, weird, or pussy. It means you are strong enough to build a connection with another human and it’s how we feel fulfilled. We feel fulfillment in our connections.

Through these strong connections, we build our support systems. Many men feel as though they have no one to turn to when emotionally down, or don’t know where to turn. This is a problem because it means they are not building a solid support foundation. It also means we aren’t giving them the right tools and guidance when it comes to seeking support.

I recommend holding stronger convos around emotions and being someone who can listen with an open heart. Men need to become more comfortable with talking to their friends and family about how they feel. And while the individual needs to do work on this, we also have a responsibility as outsiders to help this growth. We need to facilitate accessible resources for men and frame this convo differently.

There is nothing wrong with seeking/asking for help when it comes to your mental wellness. Mental wellness is directly related to overall health, and sexual well being. If you know of anyone struggling with their mental health, be a voice for them. Don’t add to the stigma and isolation that many people with mental health issues face.

Encourage therapy, (therapy is not just for those with a sickness, it is used by many people struggling with their emotions, a relationship, their image, etc) and share therapy positive information. If we normalize therapy and seeking for help, I hope that we as a society can become happier and healthier.

While normalizing therapy is a major component and the stigma around therapy is part of why men ignore their feelings, we need to take it a step further. Look at how our society treats those who are emotionally struggling, what were they taught when they were younger?

Because teaching boys to not be affectionate, intimate, emotional, or any other qualities that can show “weakness” is not the way to creating stronger men. It just leaves us with unhappy, unfulfilled, and emotionally suppressed men who make like 90K a year. Congrats.

We all watch porn, if you say you don’t, quit playing. I watch porn when I’m single, dating, or whenever the hell I want because it’s my pleasure! You can still have a healthy and sex filled relationship while enjoying the luxury of porn.

A lot of people out here think porn is for freaks, perverts, or people not getting laid. The people who think this are probably sexually repressed and don’t own their pleasure, so they will make others feel bad for owning it. Ignore these people. And if you are one of them reading this, try to open your mind and realize I don’t give a f**k!

Yes, some people who watch porn ARE freaks, but this whole “Ew porn is so nasty and wrong I don’t watch that” is a little dated. We are young, mindful, & open individuals. It’s time we get over this shame of enjoying porn. We have many misconceptions around sex and pleasure, and this is one of them. You deserve pleasure. You deserve to watch that sexy video with your vibrator. Embrace your body. Embrace the tingly feeling in your clit from climaxing.

Embracing your body takes time and we must be gentle when doing so. Watching free porn, such as videos from PornHub or other similar sites, do not help us embrace our bodies. These porn sites are filled with sexist and racist videos that play on our insecurities and stereotypes. The mainstream porn is highly unrealistic, I mean seriously – what woman can cum within 5 seconds all sexy just from dick? God bless you ladies who can. These sites also show a slim variety of body shapes, labia shapes, boob sizes, color of labia, and basically any other asset on a female. It’s hard to find a video that is realistic and speaks to our pleasure.

These videos are also produced and directed by losers. They are typically older white men who have no idea what a female truly wants and they focus mostly on male pleasure. What a surprise! Not only do they show an unrealistic portrayal of female pleasure, but they also don’t treat/ pay the porn performers fairly. These performers are sex workers, they deserve to be paid and treated with respect and decency. Free porn generally does not give these performers any % of the money made from the site…

On top of all of this, many sex performers are trafficked into working for the big porn industries. So when you click on that free porn link, you’re not doing the industry much good. Free porn can also lead to addictions. When something is free and easily accessible, it’s easier to over consume and slightly abuse.

My solution for all of this? Paying for porn and learning more about ethical porn use.

Paying for porn means you are actively working against the exploitation, violence, and unfair conditions for these performers. It does NOT mean you are some porn addicted freak. Ethical porn sites make you pay because they are actually paying their workers and creating content that is more realistic and of higher quality. Paid porn sites aren’t here to play. And that’s how it should be.

There are also benefits of paying for porn. You can customize your content, and sometimes even request a certain type of video. Since you are paying for the service it’s more likely that the creator is passionate about their work. Most free porn site creators don’t care for creating meaningful content. Paid creators make more unique, helpful, and pleasure focused content. Not to mention, a lot of these ethical porn sites are women led. So hopefully, female pleasure is more of a focus.

Like I mentioned prior, mainstream porn does not show sex in a healthy, realistic, and consensual way. Ethical porn is here to challenge that. The performers are given an environment free of violence and abuse. So many performers on mainstream porn sites are abused and violated of their rights.

If you are new to this convo don’t worry. And if you can’t afford to pay for porn, I suggest not indulging in it at all. Porn is a luxury. If you don’t see the problem with clicking on free porn sites over and over, you must have not read this through.

Here are some ethical porn sites to start exploring! From these sites you can see that not all porn is gender restricted and sexually corrupt. These sites show more than just a scene of dominant cis- men and submissive cis-women.

Queerporn.tv – For a monthly fee, you can access inclusive content made by all experienced sex workers! There are multiple memberships available, from 27$ a month to 5 day’s for 20$. The videos are hot. All body shapes are shown, colors of skin, fantasies, BDSM scenes, pussy licking, whatever you imagine! You will def see a difference in this site vs PornHub.

Pinklabel.tv – This cute site. Ugh. Independent erotic and adult films. This is like the artsy site for porn lovers. You can rent or buy films, or become a monthly member. The directors/ performers on this site are fabulous. You’ll want to stay in every night and pick a new film to watch, they are that good.

Brightdesire.com – This site offers feminist porn for women and men. The content is fun, flirty, and focuses on your pleasure. What a concept! You can feel the realness in these videos. And that’s a turn on.

Trenchcoatx.com – One of my favs. It’s easy to scroll through and the quality of these videos is insane. It’s like high def x 10. I can see every pubic hair. It’s amazing. It’s also really affordable! There’s a wide variety of videos from kinks, couple play, solo play, etc.

Oactually – “Celebrating women’s pleasure” is their claim. Uhhhh hell yeah! I swear, if you start looking at these sites that actually produce good content you’re gonna be like why didn’t I watch porn sooner? Stay away from Erika Lust’s section on there tho.

Ifeelmyself.com – Just what it sounds like! This site offers a lot of self play videos. So, masturbating solo with toys. If you like watching sexy women get off, this is the site!

These are just a few of the ethical porn sites out there. This industry is growing and I’m excited to see the switch. Porn can be a pleasure filled activity and it can make us feel empowered. I don’t blame you for feeling grossed out by mainstream porn. It is gross….

Check out these sites and just see the difference yourself! There is no shame in enjoying porn. Embrace this sexual activity and if someone makes you feel uncomfy about consuming porn, tell em to go play with themselves or something.

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Every single person deserves to live a life full of pleasure and joy. Regardless of the color of your skin, your sexual health and overall wellness should be celebrated and supported, always. It’s important to remember self care as we fight and that pleasure and joy are also forms of resistance. We are all worthy of support, compassion, empathy, and self-love. Educating yourself on how to take action is not only super sexy, but necessary. There is no shame in educating yourself on racial injustice and changing your mind when learning, even if it makes you uncomfortable. This uncomfortable feeling is how we grow. 

I have been following, donating, and reading up on all the amazing black sex educators, programs, organizations, therapists, and sexologists out there. Another way we can show support is by purchasing products that are black-owned. I have made a list of some wonderful black-owned pleasure products that I will just keep growing… So, here are a few brands to support now and always! 

The Honey Pot Company (All natural feminine care)

This brand is actually everything. The founder, Bea Dixon, is truly an inspiration. Dixon has created a brand that is empowering and makes you feel warm inside. No chemicals, toxins, or any artificial fragrances in any products and it’s all plant-based made by boss ass women. How can it get better?! The brand offers organic tampons, pads, menstrual cups, maternity sanitary pads, feminine washes, panty sprays, wipes, and washes. I mean seriously, the products are incredible and I can’t wait to see the growth of this brand. Screw Tampax, I’m with The Honey Pot Company tampons! 

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Ardently (Toy Heaven)

A sexual wellness company that focuses on body-safe toys, (non-porous or harmful materials that carry toxins) and normalizing the conversation around pleasure. What a beauty! The brand was founded by Tatiyanna Shirley and is quickly becoming my new fav for toys. The brand offers a wide range of anal toys, cock rings, dildos (I need the Pink Pleasures 8 inches Silicone Dildo ASAP), harnesses, jock straps, vibrators, kink toys, prostate toys, and strokers. I definitely recommend checking out this unique and honest brand. 

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Feelmore Adult (The Sex Shop)

Ummmm excuse me, a black-queer owned sex shop?! Say less. The shop originated in Oakland, California and has quickly become an online destination for toys and building a sense of community. The founder, Nenna Joiner, is probably my new fav person, just watch the IGTV videos and you’ll see why (also peep the shirt, love it.) Joiner has built a safe space for anyone to come feel welcomed and supported. It’s hard not to love what Joiner has created. The brand offers vibrators, dildos, kink toys, lube, anal toys, and more. 

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Nene’s FemHealth (Wellness Shop)

This beautiful online shop is another great feminine care brand. The products are gorgeous and the brand specializes in Lotus Eggs… Lotus Eggs can be used for kegel exercises! If you are unfamiliar with Lotus Eggs or want to know more about them, this brand offers great info for beginners. The brand also offers washes, PH balances, sanitary pads, lube, gels, and many other hidden gems. Founded by the herbalist, Nerissa Nefeteri, this brand is perfect if you’re into herbal supplements and all natural products! 

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Bedroom Kandi (Vibrator & Toy Jackpot) 

This lovely brand has won awards for the intimate toy line, (made of all body-safe materials) and offers some hot toys. Kandi Burruss, the founder, is a singer, songwriter, and actress. She has created a very open and strong brand. The brand offers a wide variety of vibrators, lubes, kink toys, and more. The toys are sexy and I have no doubt that you’ll be cumming in no time! If you need a new fun toy, this brand is definitely worth checking out. 

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Anya Lust (Luxury Lingerie)

Ughhhh, I found this brand a while ago and it’s still so dreamy. It’s based in NYC and will definitely make you feel sexy and confident. Filled with lacy bras, sheer undies, gorgeous trims, and beautiful materials, this brand is hot hot hot. The boutique offers lingerie, robes, nightwear, candles, and wellness products. Founded by Krystle Kotara, I highly encourage you to treat yourself… or impulsively buy something! We all know you want to! 

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These are just a few of the black-owned pleasure brands out there…there are tons of brands to support and I look forward to sharing more. I truly believe in everyone having the same encouragement and support when it comes to their bodies and overall wellness. I take pride in educating anyone on how to feel confident in their sexuality and skin, while creating a safe space. Now is the time to put your money where your mouth is and support black-owned brands, artists, educators, photographers, designers, and creatives. As an educator, I am always looking for new voices to follow and learn from and I hope you all are doing the same! 

Happy exploring. xx

It’s called self love, treating yourself, accomplishing a goal, or in this case: boredom. I’ve become a little bit obsessed with toys and I don’t feel bad about it at all. I will feel bad when I get that credit card statement though. I’ve been waking up and anxiously running to the mailbox before my family sees, “Sweet Vibrations” or “Pleasure Product” on my packages. God knows where you are supposed to put the toys once they’ve made it safely into the house, but we are all figuring this out together.

For now, mine are hidden under my hoodies in the closet. If you are bored, and by bored I mean: need to get off, I feel you. So here is my current list of toys that keep me feeling sexy and are hot hot hot.

1. Oral Sex In A Toy 

I’ve actually had The Womanizer for a while now and it still gets me every damn time. There are tons of options from the classic, to the pro, premium, and duo. If you like the feeling of sucking, licking, kissing, etc this is THE toy. The air/suction stimulator creates a “sucking” feeling on your clit and you can control the vibration, speed, and intensity. Simply hover the suction above your clit for a little tease, tap it, or completely push down on your clit. All feel fabulous, just depends on your mood.Screen Shot 2020-05-06 at 8.13.19 PM

The womanizer comes in tons of different colors, speeds, and sizes. I have the Womanizer Premium which I actually bought from Babeland in NYC. Most toy brands carry a version of the womanizer so it’s really easy to find.

2. The Vibrating Dildo

Ugh, how can a dildo get any better?! This sleek, silicone, 6.5 beauty is not to be messed with. Vibrating toys are great because it increases chance of orgasm (twisting & turning inside the vagina) so it feel’s amazing.

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Bellesa has tons of hot toys, not to mention powerful ones. From their Pride dildo to the beautiful Rose Glass dildo (this toy looks like it belongs on display, screw the coffee table books, just use dildos), this super cute brand offers a variety of wonderful toys.

3. The Perfect Match

No, but seriously, that’s the name of the toy and it couldn’t be any more fitting. This version of a Rabbit, the iconic toy in Sex and the City, is hot, pretty, and powerful. This vibrator is special because it can do it all. The longer wand is inserted into the vagina where it vibrates, while the shorter wand is massaging and stimulating the clit.

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It basically pleasures the G-spot and the clit at the same time so duhhh it’s a perfect match! Sweet Vibrations is a lovely smaller toy brand with a lot of personality and great products. I also own the Girl’s Best Friend, another dreamy toy.

4. Cock Rings

Cock rings, aka penis rings, are technically a male sex toy but women can enjoy them too! A vibrating cock ring during coupled sex is fun, hot, and a turn on for both partners. It stimulates your clit while keeping an erection hard and lasting longer.

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This cutie is simple to use. It also low key looks like a diamond ring on a dick. It’s flexible (so can stretch to most penis sizes) waterproof, (hello shower sex) silicone, and gives strong vibrations. Lelo is an amazing brand that offers high quality products. If you want a cheaper option, check out Babland’s range of penis rings.

5. Booty Toys

Let’s face it, booty toys need way more acknowledgment. Butt plugs, or booty toys, are sexy and juicy! If you are new to butt stuff, I recommend starting with this little hottie.

Bead Sets, like this one from Nox Shop, allow you to slowly get to know this pleasure point. Make sure you use a lot of lube and have fun with it! Try to relax and watch some spicy porn or something to get you going. Booty play is exciting and empowering once you let it in! Literally!

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Well there you have it. My top 5 toys right now. This will just keep getting updated as time goes on and I look forward to sharing all the hottie toys that I discover. Happy playing!

I read a statistic that half of women feel like they didn’t get adequate education about birth control. This doesn’t surprise me. Sex education doesn’t give much info on methods, insurance coverage, the effectiveness, or the risks. There are tons of methods and it can be a process finding the right one. If we educate ourselves on the different types, we can make the best choice for our bodies.

Birth control is only effective against pregnancy and no method protects you from STIS/STDS. Many people get on birth control because they want to enjoy sex but not have a child. This is probably why they don’t encourage this convo in schools… sigh.

The most effective methods are the IUD, the implant, and the Depo-Provera (the shot). Other options are the birth control pills, the patch, the ring, the cervical cap, and the diaphragm. Your doctor, nurse, gyno, or other healthcare providers can talk with you about what option is best. I’ve tried 5 different birth control pills before I found one that I liked.

Any option may cause nausea, headaches, spotting, breast swelling, weight-gain, & other side effects. Luckily, if you experience a side effect it’s really easy to switch options! All birth control methods are only effective if used correctly and consistently.

Some methods are inexpensive while others are more pricey and timely. To figure out what you can afford talk to your insurance provider about what they can cover. You need a prescription for most methods. There are family/reproductive clinics that can offer low cost or free methods, such as Planned Parenthood.

The type you chose depends on your lifestyle! It depends on if you can remember to take a pill every day, don’t mind a shot every 3 months, possible side effects, how often you have sex, and if you want something inserted or not.

Benefits of birth control can be a more regular and lighter period, less cramping, less acne, and the ability to have sex with protection against pregnancy!! Woo hoo!

There are disadvantages to birth control. People say you shouldn’t stay on birth control for a long time but in order to understand how it will affect your health, talk to your doctor. Most people can safely use birth control for years if that’s what their doctor recommends. I personally think staying on any medication for long is not the best thing for your body, but every body is different.

I want to switch to an IUD because I don’t plan on having a child any time soon, (I’m a young career driven lady) and it seems so convenient. Although I’m good at remembering my pill, it seems easier to have a little thing inside of me!

IUD

A small T shaped piece of plastic that’s inserted into your uterus by your doctor. Some people get cramps or feel mild pain but it doesn’t last long. If you are comfy with going to your doctor and having a speculum inserted to open your vagina, this method is great.

The cool thing about an IUD is that it comes in hormonal and non hormonal. Both are highly effective and can last up to 7 years. You just have to regularly check up on it to make sure it’s in place. It’s very effective and a one time type of thing.

THE IMPLANT

The birth control implant is a little plastic rod that is inserted under your skin! A doctor will place the rod into your arm, where it will release progestin, to stop you from becoming pregnant. It’s 99% effective, lasts long, & is convenient.

You may have a small ache where it was inserted at first, but it goes away quickly & you won’t notice it after that!

DEPO-PROVEA (the shot) –

This is another very effective method. The shot is injected every three 3 months & can be done at home or by your healthcare provider. It’s 94% effective, quick, & private (if at home).

BIRTH CONTROL PILLS –

Probs the most common method. There are two types of pills. Combination pills, (estrogen & progestin) & progestin only pills. Combo pills are most common since it’s more effective.

Taking your combo pill around the same time every day is very important. As long as you take the pill each day it’s highly effective. Most packs come in 28 or 21 days.

21 day pills – You take one pill everyday for 3 weeks, then none for a week. You get your period during this 4th week and don’t take any pills. After the week is over you start a new pack.

28 day pills – You take one pill everyday for 4 weeks then start the new pack on the 29th day. The last week of pills do not have hormones in them, they are just there as a reminder to keep taking your pill. Some people start a new pack on the 3rd week and skip their period. They just continue taking the hormone pills. Talk to your doctor about if this option is best. I think we are meant to bleed and shed, but some may pick this for health reasons!

Your birth control brand offers info on what to do if you miss a pill. Don’t worry, it happens. It takes 7 days before the pill is active and you are protected.

THE PATCH –

Does just what it sounds like! You wear a little square bandage/patch that releases hormones through your skin. You can wear it on your stomach, upper arm, booty, back, and your skin sucks up the hormones. You just have to remember to change it once a week!

THE RING –

NuvaRing is probably the most popular brand for birth control rings. You wear the ring inside your vagina, where the hormones are absorbed. The ring is used by yourself. With clean hands, squeeze the sides so it becomes narrow, then insert it into your vagina.

You leave it in for three weeks then take it out the 4th. You get your period during this week. It’s comfy and totally unnoticeable!

THE CERVICAL CAP –

A cute little rubbery cup that is inserted deep into the vagina, so it covers the cervix. You place it inside up to 6 hours before sex and can be left in up to two days.

It basically prevents sperm from entering the uterus! For best protection, it should be used with a spermicide (a chemical that kills sperm). It’s similar to a diagram, but smaller.

THE DIAPHRAGM –

A dome shaped rubbery cup that is inserted into the vagina hours before sex. It also must be used with a spermicide to block sperm.

The diaphragm and cervical cap are similar and can be great options if used correctly.

Pulling out and morning after pills are not effective methods. Birth control is a powerful tool and there is nothing wrong with going on it. It should be encouraged and there are people to help you decide which option is best.

If you are sexually active and not planning on raising a family soon, get on that birth control ladies!

Let’s face it, we aren’t all cooking the new banana bread recipe or watching YouTube workout tutorials. Most of us are inside, horny, and don’t know how many more times we can use a vibrator or our hands to get the job done. I’ve seriously considered buying 5 new toys just because. While masturbating is great, and I love that we are doing it more now, it can simply get boring. We are human and crave touch, smell, taste, etc.

If this time is causing your sex drive to shoot way up, like it’s doing to mine, I urge you to get creative with your at home practices. To my satisfaction, there are some unique ways to get sexy out there. Like penis molding…I’ll discuss in detail later.

Lucky for you I have created a list of some fun and exciting ideas to spark your horny interests. I have become truly inspired by our ability to pleasure ourselves. So let this time be for discovering new ways of pleasure, how your body works, what your body likes, and how to feel confident in figuring this all out.

1. Switch Up Your Masturbating Routine 

It can be depressing if you stick to only masturbating in your bed at night or in the morning. You sort of wake up and go “here we go again, time to rub my clit off.” So next time you’re in the bath or taking shower, experiment with the rushing water, or get under the tub faucet. The strong warm water can be a great way to stimulate the clit or massage the penis glands.

Changing the location or time of when you masturbate can be empowering. Just make sure it’s far away from the family.

2. Role Play Solo Edition

Oh the good times… when you could get handcuffed by “the police officer” or spanked because you “forgot your homework.” Even if you didn’t role play before, now is the time to get creative with your scenarios.

Use that sleeping blindfold and get under the covers. Pretend you must stay blindfolded until you get off and then you’ll be free. Or turn your old belt into bondage. Just be safe & smart. Who said role playing by yourself couldn’t be fun?

3. Try an App to Inspire Your Sexual Fantasies

While you’re already on your phone you might as well download a sex app right? Apps like Dipsea, Quinn, and TeaseMe offer audio alternatives that give you a new way of fantasizing. Erotic sex stories are definitely the move and you’ll want to listen for days.

Dipsea and Quinn are best for audio porn, a great way to get turned on and change up the norm of visual porn. They offer sexy stories that let your imagination do the work – a more ethical approach or if visual porn just isn’t for you.

TeaseMe is like the role play category of porn but for your ears. This app offers a range of stories that focus on a fantasy such as the hot librarian, yoga teacher, or even a sexy ski trip. Who knows what you’ll get turned on by in this app.

4. DIY Sex Toys Duh!

Even if you have a drawer of sex toys it’s mandatory to make your own during this time! Well not really, but it sure is exciting and gives you something to do. People are getting really creative with what they use to satisfy their needs and I’m lovin’ it.

From a metal spoon, (microwave that for a couple minutes then put some lube on it and rub the round part on your clit), to using a scrunchie as a penis ring, or my favorite, molding a penis or vagina, there are tons of ways to get off. Clone-A-Willy offers a DIY molding kit so you can actually craft your own dildo. You can seriously make a silicone replica of any penis or vagina from this kit, it’s amazing.

5. Sync Your Vibrator to Your Partners Phone

Technology is really blowing my mind right now. Apps like We-Vibe and We-Connect allow you to connect via bluetooth so you can control your partners pleasure. And it’s super easy! You each have your own toy and it works over long distances… what a game changer for phone and video sex.

Other brands like Vibease and Kiiroo offer similar products. Kiiroo is great because not only does it offer a male masturbator and vibrator for the female, (set for a hetro pair) but it also offers sets for same sex couples!

6. Put Your Sexting Skills to Use

Sexting is a fabulous way to get comfy with dirty talk. It can be helpful and fun if consensual! Sending a photo without asking is sexual harassment… no one asked for your unwanted dick pic.

If you are sexting make sure you stay smart! Ask if they are okay with it, listen, and keep clear communication. Some tips are to add voice memos (hearing a voice is sexxxayy), describe touch, taste, smell, etc. or share a fantasy. Stock up on your best pics, ones that you look best in and ones that keep you safe.

7. Watch Erotic Films 

If masturbating with a spoon or anything else I’ve mentioned don’t work for you turn to the arts. No I’m not talking about Fifty Shades Of Grey. That film is steamy but too modern. I’m talking about true erotica films like Shame, In the Realm of Senses, The Dreamers, and Blue is The Warmest ColorMy personal favorite.

These films are highly cinematic and showcase lust, desire, and passion in a powerful and beautiful way. I’m getting moody just thinking about them.

I hope these ideas spark your interest or just give you a new way of thinking about pleasure.

It’s also important to note that it’s perfectly normal if your sex drive is not high – due to the stress and anxiety around this time. But, if you are horny in the house and don’t know what to do welcome to the club!

I think we have all read enough about how to wash your hands, toilet paper re-stocks, and where to get hand sanitizer. While these are all important things to know we are missing an important conversation: sex & dating.

Sure, we know how long to wash our hands now, (don’t know why that took so long to figure out). But what about who we can date and when we can have sex again?

With everyone now “on pause” it looks like we are going to have to put a pause on dating as well. We are being told that sex is only safe if you live under the same roof as your partner. This means the single people are horny AF in their houses. We are turning to porn, video-chatting, FaceTiming, masturbating alone or together. While these are all great ways to safely release your sexual tension, we are human and crave that physical touch. A silicone toy can only satisfy our needs for so long.

So what are we horny single people supposed to do ?!

To start, it’s also perfectly okay if this time has caused your sex drive to actually decrease. With all the stress, anxiety, and questions regarding this virus you may not feel up to any sexual activity. Everyone is sexually coping differently and it’s okay to be turned on one day and not in the mood the next. If you do live with your partner I recommend communicating this. You can simply say, “I’m sorry babe not tonight. I feel too anxious about what’s going on.”

For now, one-night stands, dates, dinners, hook ups etc are off limits. We must stick to releasing our sexual desires through safe practices. But what will happen when we are allowed back out into the dating world? We may act like complete animals, mating with whatever catches our eye, (NYC bars, clubs, etc will literally become a zoo). But I urge us to take this time to re- think how we date. We can all learn how to be more honest with each other, chat a little bit deeper, and listen to our bodies.

I was partly joking about it becoming a zoo out there – because in reality, and for everyone’s safety, we should move forward with a new attitude. I hope people will practice more safe sex after this and not be as afraid to discuss STDs & STIs with their partner. We can all become kinder and more open about each other’s health. Such as being aware of your partners sexual health, when they last got tested, or if they feel sick.

I’ve heard too many people worry about canceling a date when they feel a little stuffy or simply not in the mood . It’s normal to cancel dates and maybe after this we won’t all be so sensitive – we are human. We get sick, feel tired from a long day of work, or simply want to stay home in our PJs. If the person does not understand that you need to prioritize your health, you probably shouldn’t even reschedule the date. It’s thoughtful and kind of you to say, “Hey I’m not feeling too great and would love to reschedule so we can both have a good time on our date.”

When it comes to one-night stands or hooking up with that sexy bartender every Friday night, we might want to now take a moment to think. Sure, hooking up and one night stands are inventible and there are no judgements in doing so. We love a good hook up. The problem with these is that there is usually little communication between partners. Moving forward I hope we can feel more comfortable with asking questions – even if we barely know the person.

As of now there is no evidence that Covid-19 is transmitted through sexual activity but obviously sex is not staying 6 feet apart from each other. With that being said, STDs and STIs can still be transmitted through sexual activity and we need to be cautious of that. When we are allowed to get sexual again pay extra attention to your body, check in with others about how they feel, and continue to wash yourself after sex. Maybe even have a longer chat with your Hinge crush before sleeping with them.

We should always be open about how we are feeling and our health. I hope moving forward we can be a little bit more honest about our sexual health and respect each other’s choices. It’s going to be even more important to do so and we should all be extra thoughtful about it.

Stay healthy & safe people. ❤