We all watch porn, if you say you don’t, quit playing. I watch porn when I’m single, dating, or whenever the hell I want because it’s my pleasure! You can still have a healthy and sex filled relationship while enjoying the luxury of porn.

A lot of people out here think porn is for freaks, perverts, or people not getting laid. The people who think this are probably sexually repressed and don’t own their pleasure, so they will make others feel bad for owning it. Ignore these people. And if you are one of them reading this, try to open your mind and realize I don’t give a f**k!

Yes, some people who watch porn ARE freaks, but this whole “Ew porn is so nasty and wrong I don’t watch that” is a little dated. We are young, mindful, & open individuals. It’s time we get over this shame of enjoying porn. We have many misconceptions around sex and pleasure, and this is one of them. You deserve pleasure. You deserve to watch that sexy video with your vibrator. Embrace your body. Embrace the tingly feeling in your clit from climaxing.

Embracing your body takes time and we must be gentle when doing so. Watching free porn, such as videos from PornHub or other similar sites, do not help us embrace our bodies. These porn sites are filled with sexist and racist videos that play on our insecurities and stereotypes. The mainstream porn is highly unrealistic, I mean seriously – what woman can cum within 5 seconds all sexy just from dick? God bless you ladies who can. These sites also show a slim variety of body shapes, labia shapes, boob sizes, color of labia, and basically any other asset on a female. It’s hard to find a video that is realistic and speaks to our pleasure.

These videos are also produced and directed by losers. They are typically older white men who have no idea what a female truly wants and they focus mostly on male pleasure. What a surprise! Not only do they show an unrealistic portrayal of female pleasure, but they also don’t treat/ pay the porn performers fairly. These performers are sex workers, they deserve to be paid and treated with respect and decency. Free porn generally does not give these performers any % of the money made from the site…

On top of all of this, many sex performers are trafficked into working for the big porn industries. So when you click on that free porn link, you’re not doing the industry much good. Free porn can also lead to addictions. When something is free and easily accessible, it’s easier to over consume and slightly abuse.

My solution for all of this? Paying for porn and learning more about ethical porn use.

Paying for porn means you are actively working against the exploitation, violence, and unfair conditions for these performers. It does NOT mean you are some porn addicted freak. Ethical porn sites make you pay because they are actually paying their workers and creating content that is more realistic and of higher quality. Paid porn sites aren’t here to play. And that’s how it should be.

There are also benefits of paying for porn. You can customize your content, and sometimes even request a certain type of video. Since you are paying for the service it’s more likely that the creator is passionate about their work. Most free porn site creators don’t care for creating meaningful content. Paid creators make more unique, helpful, and pleasure focused content. Not to mention, a lot of these ethical porn sites are women led. So hopefully, female pleasure is more of a focus.

Like I mentioned prior, mainstream porn does not show sex in a healthy, realistic, and consensual way. Ethical porn is here to challenge that. The performers are given an environment free of violence and abuse. So many performers on mainstream porn sites are abused and violated of their rights.

If you are new to this convo don’t worry. And if you can’t afford to pay for porn, I suggest not indulging in it at all. Porn is a luxury. If you don’t see the problem with clicking on free porn sites over and over, you must have not read this through.

Here are some ethical porn sites to start exploring! From these sites you can see that not all porn is gender restricted and sexually corrupt. These sites show more than just a scene of dominant cis- men and submissive cis-women.

Queerporn.tv – For a monthly fee, you can access inclusive content made by all experienced sex workers! There are multiple memberships available, from 27$ a month to 5 day’s for 20$. The videos are hot. All body shapes are shown, colors of skin, fantasies, BDSM scenes, pussy licking, whatever you imagine! You will def see a difference in this site vs PornHub.

Pinklabel.tv – This cute site. Ugh. Independent erotic and adult films. This is like the artsy site for porn lovers. You can rent or buy films, or become a monthly member. The directors/ performers on this site are fabulous. You’ll want to stay in every night and pick a new film to watch, they are that good.

Brightdesire.com – This site offers feminist porn for women and men. The content is fun, flirty, and focuses on your pleasure. What a concept! You can feel the realness in these videos. And that’s a turn on.

Trenchcoatx.com – One of my favs. It’s easy to scroll through and the quality of these videos is insane. It’s like high def x 10. I can see every pubic hair. It’s amazing. It’s also really affordable! There’s a wide variety of videos from kinks, couple play, solo play, etc.

Oactually – “Celebrating women’s pleasure” is their claim. Uhhhh hell yeah! I swear, if you start looking at these sites that actually produce good content you’re gonna be like why didn’t I watch porn sooner? Stay away from Erika Lust’s section on there tho.

Ifeelmyself.com – Just what it sounds like! This site offers a lot of self play videos. So, masturbating solo with toys. If you like watching sexy women get off, this is the site!

These are just a few of the ethical porn sites out there. This industry is growing and I’m excited to see the switch. Porn can be a pleasure filled activity and it can make us feel empowered. I don’t blame you for feeling grossed out by mainstream porn. It is gross….

Check out these sites and just see the difference yourself! There is no shame in enjoying porn. Embrace this sexual activity and if someone makes you feel uncomfy about consuming porn, tell em to go play with themselves or something.

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Every single person deserves to live a life full of pleasure and joy. Regardless of the color of your skin, your sexual health and overall wellness should be celebrated and supported, always. It’s important to remember self care as we fight and that pleasure and joy are also forms of resistance. We are all worthy of support, compassion, empathy, and self-love. Educating yourself on how to take action is not only super sexy, but necessary. There is no shame in educating yourself on racial injustice and changing your mind when learning, even if it makes you uncomfortable. This uncomfortable feeling is how we grow. 

I have been following, donating, and reading up on all the amazing black sex educators, programs, organizations, therapists, and sexologists out there. Another way we can show support is by purchasing products that are black-owned. I have made a list of some wonderful black-owned pleasure products that I will just keep growing… So, here are a few brands to support now and always! 

The Honey Pot Company (All natural feminine care)

This brand is actually everything. The founder, Bea Dixon, is truly an inspiration. Dixon has created a brand that is empowering and makes you feel warm inside. No chemicals, toxins, or any artificial fragrances in any products and it’s all plant-based made by boss ass women. How can it get better?! The brand offers organic tampons, pads, menstrual cups, maternity sanitary pads, feminine washes, panty sprays, wipes, and washes. I mean seriously, the products are incredible and I can’t wait to see the growth of this brand. Screw Tampax, I’m with The Honey Pot Company tampons! 

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Ardently (Toy Heaven)

A sexual wellness company that focuses on body-safe toys, (non-porous or harmful materials that carry toxins) and normalizing the conversation around pleasure. What a beauty! The brand was founded by Tatiyanna Shirley and is quickly becoming my new fav for toys. The brand offers a wide range of anal toys, cock rings, dildos (I need the Pink Pleasures 8 inches Silicone Dildo ASAP), harnesses, jock straps, vibrators, kink toys, prostate toys, and strokers. I definitely recommend checking out this unique and honest brand. 

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Feelmore Adult (The Sex Shop)

Ummmm excuse me, a black-queer owned sex shop?! Say less. The shop originated in Oakland, California and has quickly become an online destination for toys and building a sense of community. The founder, Nenna Joiner, is probably my new fav person, just watch the IGTV videos and you’ll see why (also peep the shirt, love it.) Joiner has built a safe space for anyone to come feel welcomed and supported. It’s hard not to love what Joiner has created. The brand offers vibrators, dildos, kink toys, lube, anal toys, and more. 

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Nene’s FemHealth (Wellness Shop)

This beautiful online shop is another great feminine care brand. The products are gorgeous and the brand specializes in Lotus Eggs… Lotus Eggs can be used for kegel exercises! If you are unfamiliar with Lotus Eggs or want to know more about them, this brand offers great info for beginners. The brand also offers washes, PH balances, sanitary pads, lube, gels, and many other hidden gems. Founded by the herbalist, Nerissa Nefeteri, this brand is perfect if you’re into herbal supplements and all natural products! 

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Bedroom Kandi (Vibrator & Toy Jackpot) 

This lovely brand has won awards for the intimate toy line, (made of all body-safe materials) and offers some hot toys. Kandi Burruss, the founder, is a singer, songwriter, and actress. She has created a very open and strong brand. The brand offers a wide variety of vibrators, lubes, kink toys, and more. The toys are sexy and I have no doubt that you’ll be cumming in no time! If you need a new fun toy, this brand is definitely worth checking out. 

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Anya Lust (Luxury Lingerie)

Ughhhh, I found this brand a while ago and it’s still so dreamy. It’s based in NYC and will definitely make you feel sexy and confident. Filled with lacy bras, sheer undies, gorgeous trims, and beautiful materials, this brand is hot hot hot. The boutique offers lingerie, robes, nightwear, candles, and wellness products. Founded by Krystle Kotara, I highly encourage you to treat yourself… or impulsively buy something! We all know you want to! 

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These are just a few of the black-owned pleasure brands out there…there are tons of brands to support and I look forward to sharing more. I truly believe in everyone having the same encouragement and support when it comes to their bodies and overall wellness. I take pride in educating anyone on how to feel confident in their sexuality and skin, while creating a safe space. Now is the time to put your money where your mouth is and support black-owned brands, artists, educators, photographers, designers, and creatives. As an educator, I am always looking for new voices to follow and learn from and I hope you all are doing the same! 

Happy exploring. xx

It’s called self love, treating yourself, accomplishing a goal, or in this case: boredom. I’ve become a little bit obsessed with toys and I don’t feel bad about it at all. I will feel bad when I get that credit card statement though. I’ve been waking up and anxiously running to the mailbox before my family sees, “Sweet Vibrations” or “Pleasure Product” on my packages. God knows where you are supposed to put the toys once they’ve made it safely into the house, but we are all figuring this out together.

For now, mine are hidden under my hoodies in the closet. If you are bored, and by bored I mean: need to get off, I feel you. So here is my current list of toys that keep me feeling sexy and are hot hot hot.

1. Oral Sex In A Toy 

I’ve actually had The Womanizer for a while now and it still gets me every damn time. There are tons of options from the classic, to the pro, premium, and duo. If you like the feeling of sucking, licking, kissing, etc this is THE toy. The air/suction stimulator creates a “sucking” feeling on your clit and you can control the vibration, speed, and intensity. Simply hover the suction above your clit for a little tease, tap it, or completely push down on your clit. All feel fabulous, just depends on your mood.Screen Shot 2020-05-06 at 8.13.19 PM

The womanizer comes in tons of different colors, speeds, and sizes. I have the Womanizer Premium which I actually bought from Babeland in NYC. Most toy brands carry a version of the womanizer so it’s really easy to find.

2. The Vibrating Dildo

Ugh, how can a dildo get any better?! This sleek, silicone, 6.5 beauty is not to be messed with. Vibrating toys are great because it increases chance of orgasm (twisting & turning inside the vagina) so it feel’s amazing.

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Bellesa has tons of hot toys, not to mention powerful ones. From their Pride dildo to the beautiful Rose Glass dildo (this toy looks like it belongs on display, screw the coffee table books, just use dildos), this super cute brand offers a variety of wonderful toys.

3. The Perfect Match

No, but seriously, that’s the name of the toy and it couldn’t be any more fitting. This version of a Rabbit, the iconic toy in Sex and the City, is hot, pretty, and powerful. This vibrator is special because it can do it all. The longer wand is inserted into the vagina where it vibrates, while the shorter wand is massaging and stimulating the clit.

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It basically pleasures the G-spot and the clit at the same time so duhhh it’s a perfect match! Sweet Vibrations is a lovely smaller toy brand with a lot of personality and great products. I also own the Girl’s Best Friend, another dreamy toy.

4. Cock Rings

Cock rings, aka penis rings, are technically a male sex toy but women can enjoy them too! A vibrating cock ring during coupled sex is fun, hot, and a turn on for both partners. It stimulates your clit while keeping an erection hard and lasting longer.

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This cutie is simple to use. It also low key looks like a diamond ring on a dick. It’s flexible (so can stretch to most penis sizes) waterproof, (hello shower sex) silicone, and gives strong vibrations. Lelo is an amazing brand that offers high quality products. If you want a cheaper option, check out Babland’s range of penis rings.

5. Booty Toys

Let’s face it, booty toys need way more acknowledgment. Butt plugs, or booty toys, are sexy and juicy! If you are new to butt stuff, I recommend starting with this little hottie.

Bead Sets, like this one from Nox Shop, allow you to slowly get to know this pleasure point. Make sure you use a lot of lube and have fun with it! Try to relax and watch some spicy porn or something to get you going. Booty play is exciting and empowering once you let it in! Literally!

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Well there you have it. My top 5 toys right now. This will just keep getting updated as time goes on and I look forward to sharing all the hottie toys that I discover. Happy playing!

Let’s face it, we aren’t all cooking the new banana bread recipe or watching YouTube workout tutorials. Most of us are inside, horny, and don’t know how many more times we can use a vibrator or our hands to get the job done. I’ve seriously considered buying 5 new toys just because. While masturbating is great, and I love that we are doing it more now, it can simply get boring. We are human and crave touch, smell, taste, etc.

If this time is causing your sex drive to shoot way up, like it’s doing to mine, I urge you to get creative with your at home practices. To my satisfaction, there are some unique ways to get sexy out there. Like penis molding…I’ll discuss in detail later.

Lucky for you I have created a list of some fun and exciting ideas to spark your horny interests. I have become truly inspired by our ability to pleasure ourselves. So let this time be for discovering new ways of pleasure, how your body works, what your body likes, and how to feel confident in figuring this all out.

1. Switch Up Your Masturbating Routine 

It can be depressing if you stick to only masturbating in your bed at night or in the morning. You sort of wake up and go “here we go again, time to rub my clit off.” So next time you’re in the bath or taking shower, experiment with the rushing water, or get under the tub faucet. The strong warm water can be a great way to stimulate the clit or massage the penis glands.

Changing the location or time of when you masturbate can be empowering. Just make sure it’s far away from the family.

2. Role Play Solo Edition

Oh the good times… when you could get handcuffed by “the police officer” or spanked because you “forgot your homework.” Even if you didn’t role play before, now is the time to get creative with your scenarios.

Use that sleeping blindfold and get under the covers. Pretend you must stay blindfolded until you get off and then you’ll be free. Or turn your old belt into bondage. Just be safe & smart. Who said role playing by yourself couldn’t be fun?

3. Try an App to Inspire Your Sexual Fantasies

While you’re already on your phone you might as well download a sex app right? Apps like Dipsea, Quinn, and TeaseMe offer audio alternatives that give you a new way of fantasizing. Erotic sex stories are definitely the move and you’ll want to listen for days.

Dipsea and Quinn are best for audio porn, a great way to get turned on and change up the norm of visual porn. They offer sexy stories that let your imagination do the work – a more ethical approach or if visual porn just isn’t for you.

TeaseMe is like the role play category of porn but for your ears. This app offers a range of stories that focus on a fantasy such as the hot librarian, yoga teacher, or even a sexy ski trip. Who knows what you’ll get turned on by in this app.

4. DIY Sex Toys Duh!

Even if you have a drawer of sex toys it’s mandatory to make your own during this time! Well not really, but it sure is exciting and gives you something to do. People are getting really creative with what they use to satisfy their needs and I’m lovin’ it.

From a metal spoon, (microwave that for a couple minutes then put some lube on it and rub the round part on your clit), to using a scrunchie as a penis ring, or my favorite, molding a penis or vagina, there are tons of ways to get off. Clone-A-Willy offers a DIY molding kit so you can actually craft your own dildo. You can seriously make a silicone replica of any penis or vagina from this kit, it’s amazing.

5. Sync Your Vibrator to Your Partners Phone

Technology is really blowing my mind right now. Apps like We-Vibe and We-Connect allow you to connect via bluetooth so you can control your partners pleasure. And it’s super easy! You each have your own toy and it works over long distances… what a game changer for phone and video sex.

Other brands like Vibease and Kiiroo offer similar products. Kiiroo is great because not only does it offer a male masturbator and vibrator for the female, (set for a hetro pair) but it also offers sets for same sex couples!

6. Put Your Sexting Skills to Use

Sexting is a fabulous way to get comfy with dirty talk. It can be helpful and fun if consensual! Sending a photo without asking is sexual harassment… no one asked for your unwanted dick pic.

If you are sexting make sure you stay smart! Ask if they are okay with it, listen, and keep clear communication. Some tips are to add voice memos (hearing a voice is sexxxayy), describe touch, taste, smell, etc. or share a fantasy. Stock up on your best pics, ones that you look best in and ones that keep you safe.

7. Watch Erotic Films 

If masturbating with a spoon or anything else I’ve mentioned don’t work for you turn to the arts. No I’m not talking about Fifty Shades Of Grey. That film is steamy but too modern. I’m talking about true erotica films like Shame, In the Realm of Senses, The Dreamers, and Blue is The Warmest ColorMy personal favorite.

These films are highly cinematic and showcase lust, desire, and passion in a powerful and beautiful way. I’m getting moody just thinking about them.

I hope these ideas spark your interest or just give you a new way of thinking about pleasure.

It’s also important to note that it’s perfectly normal if your sex drive is not high – due to the stress and anxiety around this time. But, if you are horny in the house and don’t know what to do welcome to the club!

I think we have all read enough about how to wash your hands, toilet paper re-stocks, and where to get hand sanitizer. While these are all important things to know we are missing an important conversation: sex & dating.

Sure, we know how long to wash our hands now, (don’t know why that took so long to figure out). But what about who we can date and when we can have sex again?

With everyone now “on pause” it looks like we are going to have to put a pause on dating as well. We are being told that sex is only safe if you live under the same roof as your partner. This means the single people are horny AF in their houses. We are turning to porn, video-chatting, FaceTiming, masturbating alone or together. While these are all great ways to safely release your sexual tension, we are human and crave that physical touch. A silicone toy can only satisfy our needs for so long.

So what are we horny single people supposed to do ?!

To start, it’s also perfectly okay if this time has caused your sex drive to actually decrease. With all the stress, anxiety, and questions regarding this virus you may not feel up to any sexual activity. Everyone is sexually coping differently and it’s okay to be turned on one day and not in the mood the next. If you do live with your partner I recommend communicating this. You can simply say, “I’m sorry babe not tonight. I feel too anxious about what’s going on.”

For now, one-night stands, dates, dinners, hook ups etc are off limits. We must stick to releasing our sexual desires through safe practices. But what will happen when we are allowed back out into the dating world? We may act like complete animals, mating with whatever catches our eye, (NYC bars, clubs, etc will literally become a zoo). But I urge us to take this time to re- think how we date. We can all learn how to be more honest with each other, chat a little bit deeper, and listen to our bodies.

I was partly joking about it becoming a zoo out there – because in reality, and for everyone’s safety, we should move forward with a new attitude. I hope people will practice more safe sex after this and not be as afraid to discuss STDs & STIs with their partner. We can all become kinder and more open about each other’s health. Such as being aware of your partners sexual health, when they last got tested, or if they feel sick.

I’ve heard too many people worry about canceling a date when they feel a little stuffy or simply not in the mood . It’s normal to cancel dates and maybe after this we won’t all be so sensitive – we are human. We get sick, feel tired from a long day of work, or simply want to stay home in our PJs. If the person does not understand that you need to prioritize your health, you probably shouldn’t even reschedule the date. It’s thoughtful and kind of you to say, “Hey I’m not feeling too great and would love to reschedule so we can both have a good time on our date.”

When it comes to one-night stands or hooking up with that sexy bartender every Friday night, we might want to now take a moment to think. Sure, hooking up and one night stands are inventible and there are no judgements in doing so. We love a good hook up. The problem with these is that there is usually little communication between partners. Moving forward I hope we can feel more comfortable with asking questions – even if we barely know the person.

As of now there is no evidence that Covid-19 is transmitted through sexual activity but obviously sex is not staying 6 feet apart from each other. With that being said, STDs and STIs can still be transmitted through sexual activity and we need to be cautious of that. When we are allowed to get sexual again pay extra attention to your body, check in with others about how they feel, and continue to wash yourself after sex. Maybe even have a longer chat with your Hinge crush before sleeping with them.

We should always be open about how we are feeling and our health. I hope moving forward we can be a little bit more honest about our sexual health and respect each other’s choices. It’s going to be even more important to do so and we should all be extra thoughtful about it.

Stay healthy & safe people. ❤

 

 

Dirty talk. It’s an interesting concept because there is in fact nothing “dirty” about the act. It’s normal, fun, common, and can actually increase your sexual satisfaction. Dirty talk is simply being comfortable & confident with expressing your sexual needs. In other words, it’s just communicating what feels good, what you want, and how you want it. It is often thought of as very graphic and erotic but it’s simply just open communication between partners. It should occur naturally and is different for everyone.

It can be awkward to express your needs if you don’t know your needs yourself or if you are uncomfortable with this type of communication. Many people struggle with finding the right words to express their needs, wants, and desires. It’s okay to be nervous but just know there is nothing wrong, shameful, or bad about sexy talk. Some people talk dirty with their partner quickly, while others may need some time. Some people say erotic graphic phrases, while others may simply say “don’t stop that feels good.”

Everyone likes to feel appreciated and encouraged during their sexual experience. Telling your partner what feels good and basically hyping them up will never hurt a situation. So, don’t be a afraid to tell them you love their cock in you, how they touch you, how they kiss you, grab you, etc. It is also normal to express this in silence. Whatever you say, as long as it’s honest, genuine, and expressing yourself it’s good to go. There is no script for dirty talk, just say what feels good to you.

It’s important to listen to each other so you can both get turned on. Whispering “do you like that dirty little bitch?” may not be the best thing if your partner thinks those words are offensive. Communicating what you like and dislike is a must so that you can find out what works. Ask questions about what they like and don’t be afraid to tell them what you do not like. It takes confidence and control over your body to express your needs.

Never fuck someone who makes you feel like you can’t be open about what feels good. It’s your body and you control your pleasure. 

Ease into it and say what feels natural and authentic to you. If you don’t know where to start, never done it before, or you’re just shy, don’t worry. You get more comfortable as you do it and you will discover it’s fun and liberating to express yourself like this. Now here are some tips: 

SAY HOW YOU FEEL IN THE MOMENT:

Simply expressing what feels good is a huge turn on and it’s a more natural way of dirty talk. This type of talk can also encourage your partner and direct them in what you want.

  1. “Your dick feels so good inside me”
  2. “I love when you rub my clit like that”
  3. “Your tongue feels amazing sucking on my tits”
  4. “I love when you suck on my clit”
  5. “It feels so good when you suck my dick like that”
  6. “I love when you spit on it”
  7. “I love when you’re nasty”
  8. “You feel so good”
  9. “You make me so wet”
  10. “I love how hard you get me”
  11. “Your skin feels so good on mine”
  12. “Your pussy feels amazing”
  13. “Just feeling your skin makes me wet”
  14. “Feeling your pussy turns me on”
  15. “This is your pussy”
  16. “I’m your girl”

TELL THEM WHAT YOU WANT:

This can be more intimidating than describing how their tongue feels on your clit, but if you say it in a simple & encouraging way it can be wonderful. You obviously wouldn’t want to yell at your partner “make me cum hard!!!” because well, that’s just aggressive. But if you whisper it in a lower tone, softer pace, and add some breath to it, it can be sound way different. “Mhmmm yeah, make me cummmm hard,” sounds hot to me.

  1. “Yeah, lick my clit like that”
  2. “I need you inside me”
  3. “I want your dick in my pussy”
  4. “Mhmm yeah spank me harder”
  5. “I love when you pin me down and fuck me”
  6. “Fuck me harder”
  7. “Yeahhh keep sucking my dick like that”
  8. “Suck on my nipples”
  9. “Grab my ass”
  10. “Fuck me like you miss me”
  11. “Eat me till you can’t anymore”
  12. “Ooohh yeah grab me like that”
  13. “I want you to kiss me harder”
  14. “I want to feel your dick twist in me”
  15. “I want to feel your wet pussy around my dick”
  16. “Make me cum”
  17. “Bite my lip”
  18. “Undress me and kiss every inch of me”
  19. “Bite me and mark me like I’m yours”

A simple “Yeah baby just like that” also works. Taking control and expressing what you want done and what feels good is sexy. It also helps your partner know what you like and it creates a open space for expressing desires.

TELL THEM WHAT YOU WANT TO DO TO THEM

After you’re done expressing what you want, give them a little love back. Make them feel good and desired too. A little sexy saying in a low soft voice never hurt no one. If you’re worried about sounding weird or terrifying try to imagine how you would feel if they said it to you.

  1. “I’m going to make you cum so hard”
  2. “I’m going to kiss every inch of you”
  3. “I want to make you feel so good”
  4. “I want to please you”
  5. “I’m going to make you moan”
  6. “I want to make you drip in cum”
  7. “I want to bend you over and fuck you”
  8. “I love when I ride you, I want to do it forever”
  9. “I’m going to eat you till you can’t move anymore”
  10. “I want to make you mine”
  11. “I want to kiss you all the time”
  12. “I want to feel your body on mine”
  13. “I’m going to feel your clit on my lips”
  14. “I want to feel your dick in my mouth”
  15. “I want to grab your ass”

Saying what you want to do is exciting for them and will probably turn you on too. Win win!

These are just examples of what to say if you need some inspo. Some are more intense than the others. If some of these scare you, a simple “I want you to feel good” or “I love when you kiss me like that” are still honest & good ways of communicating your sexual desires. It’s been proven that open communication in the bedroom increases your pleasure. It’s also important to check in with your partner as you say these things and get comfortable with each other.

At the end of all the sexy talk, it’s really about encouraging your partner & making sure what you are doing feels good ❤

I have became very interested in female squirting lately and this lead me to the research of the best G- spot vibrator. Female orgasms can be achieved without stimulating the G-spot, but it’s believed the G spot makes you squirt (have a female ejaculation). Not every female can achieve female ejaculation but stimulating this area will feel good no matter what the outcome is. Around 70% of women do not have a vaginal orgasm from penetration alone. Most women need clit or G- spot stimulation, toys, mouth, hands, etc. If you like sex toys a G-spot vibrator is a must.

To find your G- spot it is best to relax and start by exploring your body. This can be done on your own or with a partner you feel comfortable with. You can use a toy or your fingers to reach the area of pleasure. As you become aroused lift your fingers upward inside the vagina toward the belly button and pulse upwards. It’s like a “come here” motion inside the vagina with your fingers. It’s on the roof of the vagina about 2.5-3 inches inside. There is not one correct spot for all females. Whatever you find that feels good you should go with.

Masturbating is healthy and completely normal. There is no shame in it and it can be really fun when you explore it. You can use toys alone or in a relationship. Mutual masturbating is a great and safe way to show your partner what you enjoy.

Now here are the best G-spot vibrators I have found. Happy playing!

    1. Desire Luxury Rechargeable G-Spot Vibrator – This is a great vibrator for those who like to play with different pulses and patterns. It has 12 levels of intensity and 8 patterns of vibrations. The curved tip is perfect for hitting that area and the silicone is easy to clean and take care of. On sale for $63.99. 59244-0040
    2. G-Power Extra Quiet Silicone Vibrator – This is such a cutie and easy for beginners. It’s also not too noisy. Honestly, some vibrators can sound like heavy machinery. But this one has a quiet motor and it’s relatively small. So if you like to be sneaky with it or travel a lot, this one is great. Once again the bulb directly stimulates your G-spot. $22.9963349-022
    3. Bender – Unbound is a great place for high quality and cute pastel vibrators. The bender is cool because it literally bends to your liking. It’s waterproof and uses USB charging. It can stimulate your G-spot, clit, or be used for overall stimulation. It’s simple and easy to use for beginners. $69.00Screen Shot 2020-01-31 at 1.32.06 PM
    4. The Rabbit – If you are familiar with Sex and the City you know this one. It’s a favorite and was one of my first toys. Happy Rabbit offers many different great vibrators. They have a cute name and this one looks like a little rabbit! The head rotates and vibrates inside the vagina while the external head vibrator stimulates the clit. It’s rechargeable, waterproof, and offers 15 vibrations. On sale for $71.9971503-00
    5. Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator – This vibrator is sold out and hard to find because it’s just too good. Satisfyer is a pro at making a clit sucking toy that uses air and suction to create a oral sex feeling. This combined with the vibrating G-spot wand offers a deep stimulation. If you like external and internal play, this toy is it. On sale for $54.95 pro-g-spot-rabbit-satisfyer-satprograb-g-spot-vibrators-satisfyer
    6. Le wand –  The wand is a classic and necessary for any toy collection. It’s pretty powerful and can also be used as a overall body massager… I promise it’s a vibrator though. What makes it special is the attachments such as the G-spot stimulator. You put it over the head of the wand and it’s a G-spot target zone. They also have a travel size one, called Le Wand Petite. Too cute! $170.00le-wand-massager-pearl-white-06
    7. We-Vibe Rave – Similar to the Rabbit but simpler, this toy rotates and twists inside the vagina. Rotation can increase your chance of orgasm. The unique bend of the wand and twists hit the G- spot. It also has an app where you can customize your vibrations. Waterproof, rechargeable, and ten different vibrations. $119.00 4693-a-we-vibe-rave
    8. Fun Factory Tiger G5– If you like something a little extra and some power in your toys, this one is for you. The sleek black wand has ripples and curves up for ultimate G-spot stimulation. It also offers a loop handle so it’s easy to control. Strong, rechargeable, and waterproof. I think it’s a pretty sexy looking toy… $139.99
      FF_TIGER_BlackLine__70578.1479774514.500.500
    9. Lovelife Cuddle G-spot Vibe – Another cutie!! Comes in pink or blue. This is a great rechargeable G-spot vibrator for a decent price. If you want something simple and not over the top this little guy is it. It has seven different vibration patterns and is waterproof. $69.00
      4463-a-lovelife-cuddle-g-spot-vibe
    10. Orchid G – This toy is great for beginners and with it’s 8 inch wand it’s perfect for reaching the G- spot. It comes in a cutie blue or purple. The strong vibrating bulb on top of the wand offers direct stimulation and it’s affordable. The only downside is that it requires batteries (not rechargeable). $24.0029483_1

There are hundreds of different vibrators out there and I believe there is something for everyone. These are just my recommendations for G- spot ones! Exploring with different toys can be liberating and leave us feeling powerful. Masturbating is good for your mental and physical health. It can reduce stress, help you fall asleep, and help you embrace your body!

The simple answer to this is yes yes and yes. It is completely normal to have sex while you are on your period. Period sex may seem uncomfortable and embarrassing but it can be very enjoyable and a lot of men do not mind it. If your partner does mind it maybe try reminding them that blood is natural and similar to other fluids that are exchanged during sex. Period sex is just like normal sex, just a little messier.

Period sex will not protect you from the possibility of becoming pregnant or STDS. The only way to prevent from STDS and pregnancies is by using a condom.

Having your period is natural and it is 100% safe to have period sex. In fact, having sex on your period actually has some nice benefits!

  • Satisfies the extra horny-ness inside of you. The fluctuation in hormones on your period are linked to a higher sex drive either right before or during the start of your menstrual cycle. This is why some women are more aroused on their period.
  • Relief of menstrual cramps. When you orgasm dopamine and endorphins are released. The release of these chemicals can alleviate cramps and other period symptoms such as backache, headache, etc.
  • Natural lubrication. Blood acts as a natural lubricant and adds to the warmth of the vagina. The extra fluid and warmth can be a benefit for both partners!
  • Greater sensations. There is a lot of hormones and blood flow happening on your period, so it can make things down there more sensitive and heightened.

If you and your partner do decide to engage in sex on your period, make sure you remove your tampon prior to messing around. Forgetting to remove a tampon prior to sex can push the tampon too far up the vagina and you will have to have a doctor remove it.

Having your period is a beautiful and amazing thing. Sharing this experience with your partner can be a positive thing and bring you closer together. It can also empower you as a woman to embrace your body when its bloated, bleeding, achy and running it’s natural course. Just because you are on your period does not mean you don’t deserve pleasure.

Things to keep in mind when having sex on your period:

  • Blood can get on your sheets, partner, or yourself. You can lay a dark colored towel down if you are worried about the mess. It is not as messy as you think it will be, and if it does start to get too messy you can always communicate with your partner that you want to stop. If you have a heavy flow the mess may not be worth it to you.
  • Keep a wet washcloth or wet wipes near by. You can easily wipe yourself off afterwards (also obvi take a shower after)
  • Some positions may be more uncomfortable than usual, since there is more sensitivity going on, and you will need to communicate with your partner on what feels good and what does not. Due to gravity, laying down positions can be less messy and more comfortable.
  • Use latex condoms!!

There is nothing dirty or shameful about having sex on your period. With the correct communication and a little bit of preparation the experience can be really wonderful for both partners. It’s not for everyone, but it is normal to have. Just because you’re on your period doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex!

 

 

Yesterday I had the pleasure of attending a rope bondage class by Yin Q. Yin Q has been a BDSM practitioner for over twenty years. Q has been featured in publications such as Paper Magazine and Huff Post. I highly recommend attending one of her group or private classes, public speaking engagements, or any other classes offered. She is truly amazing.

I have always been interested in BDSM culture but this was my first class on rope bondage. Rope bondage is just one small section of BDSM, or kinks. BDSM is basically an umbrella term for kinks. BDSM is largely misinterpreted because of movies & media. It is shown as a warped power struggle – or even abuse. You can combine submission, sadism, and masochism in a healthy way. For those unfamiliar with the BDSM culture here are some terms to know:

Submissive – One who gives, relents, or doesn’t have power.

Sadism/Sadist – Someone who finds enjoyment in giving pain to another/the act of enjoying giving pain to another. Sadists like pain for many different reasons; some are sexual, some aren’t.

Masochism/Masochist – Someone who enjoys pain/the act of enjoying pain. Can sometimes indicate the feeling of pain as pleasure, or the simple enjoyment of pain as pain.

Bottom – A role referring to the person receiving sensation.  One who receives sensation of action.

Top – A role referring to the person giving sensation. One who gives sensation or action.

Safe Words – These are very important to establish because part of the fun can be yelling “no no” but you do not actually mean stop. These words can be used to stop, pause, or completely end a scene. “Yellow” is most commonly used for pause and “Red” is used to stop. Using “Red” three times means completely end scene.

A scene is a pre-planned space where BDSM activities take place. The scene is discussed fully and consists of an agreed upon beginning, middle, and end. 

These terms and more definitions of kinks can be found from one of my favorites, Rekink.

Kinks can range from using cuffs, rope, biting, blind folds, nipple clamps, fisting, tickling, to more uncommon kinks such as wax play, sounding, animal fur, pins/needles or sharp objects, staging a murder, fire play, tooth fetish, golden showers, etc. There are lists out there with “all” kinks within BDSM but our imaginations are limitless, so do not feel restricted by these lists.

Now since I have discussed the basics of BDSM, time to get into the actual act of bondage. The best way to learn how to actually do the knots is to take a class but I will share my tips.

  1. Nylon rope is the best for starters and for your skin. Nylon is soft yet strong, so the knots stay in place. It is also relatively cheap and easy to find. Etsy has some good rope and cute colors to choose from.
  2. If your bottom does use a safe word and the scene is over cut the rope calmly and quickly. Even if you have beautifully tied them up and it took 20 minutes. Their safety is most important. Etsy also has some good safety shears that cut nylon rope easily. Make sure you have some when participating in bondage.
  3. Be careful of key pressure points. There is a very sensitive nerve on the upper arm -halfway down the outside of your upper arm – so make sure you move the rope either higher or lower to avoid this point.
  4. Start with wrists, lower calfs, lower stomach, and upper thighs. Always make sure you can fit two fingers between the skin and rope. Yin Q recommends not tying the neck until you are an expert.
  5. Tingling is normal for 20 minutes. If the pins and needles continue for longer the rope may need to moved or the scene may need to end.
  6. Always check in on your bottom to make sure their fingers can move easily.
  7. Minor injures from bondage can occur so treat like any other rash or burn. After the ropes are removed there may be slight indents on the skin. These will fade in about 20 minutes.
  8. When tying knots use the over under method. This makes the knots tight.

Rope Bondage is about communication and understanding each others needs. It is very important to discuss prior to a scene what you want and what you do not want. Checking on your bottom throughout the scene is critical and it can also help to discuss after the scene. Being restrained can be very calming and invigorating if done in a healthy way.

Playing with bondage is usually an emotional and intimate activity. It can be rough, soft, or anywhere in between. Make sure you really trust your partner and that you both feel safe and comfortable prior to a scene. Communicate your needs. Check in with each other throughout the scene and do not be afraid to speak up. Bondage should be a pleasurable and freeing experience.

When it comes to condoms some people get nervous to ask for one or think they don’t need to because they are on birth control. Asking to use a condom during sex should NEVER be pushed away. It’s not awkward to ask for a condom because it is your right to have safe and satisfying sex! You should never feel unsafe or worried about having sex with your partner. It’s normal to ask during the moment “do you have a condom?” or even discussing it prior to sex.

Birth control only prevents pregnancies, not STDS and infections. When a condom is used correctly it can prevent STDS and infections up to 98% of the time. So even if you are on birth control it’s very important and normal to want to use a condom.

Some men say condoms don’t feel good, they can’t finish with one, or even the classic “aren’t you on birth control?” These are all sayings that can make women feel uncomfortable about asking to use a condom and are excuses. If you use the correct size, style, and lube condoms can be more comfortable.

If you and your partner have established that unprotected sex is okay with you both then that’s great. But if there is any forcing or negotiating you out of using a condom it’s probably best to not sleep with that person. The man should respect your decision and know that it’s also protecting them!

Now here is how to properly use a condom:

  1. Make sure there are no holes or scratches on the wrapper (this usually means there is a small hole in the condom and defeats the purpose of using one)
  2. Check expiration dates. Storing condoms in hot places can damage the latex faster, so it’s actually best to not put them in your wallet because of body heat.
  3. Open wrapper carefully and make sure the right side is up (the side with the little tip facing up sorta looks like a small hat)
  4. After un rolling the condom and slightly placing it over the penis, pinch the tip with your thumb and index finger. You want to pinch it to make room for the semen.
  5. While holding the tip in one hand use the other hand to completely roll the condom down until it reaches the end.
  6. Ready to go!

Carry your own condoms and never be afraid to communicate your wants during sex.

To remove a condom, it’s easier to remove when still hard because it helps avoid spilling semen. Toss it in the garbage and do not flush it down the toilet!!