I have became very interested in female squirting lately and this lead me to the research of the best G- spot vibrator. Female orgasms can be achieved without stimulating the G-spot, but it’s believed the G spot makes you squirt (have a female ejaculation). Not every female can achieve female ejaculation but stimulating this area will feel good no matter what the outcome is. Around 70% of women do not have a vaginal orgasm from penetration alone. Most women need clit or G- spot stimulation, toys, mouth, hands, etc. If you like sex toys a G-spot vibrator is a must.

To find your G- spot it is best to relax and start by exploring your body. This can be done on your own or with a partner you feel comfortable with. You can use a toy or your fingers to reach the area of pleasure. As you become aroused lift your fingers upward inside the vagina toward the belly button and pulse upwards. It’s like a “come here” motion inside the vagina with your fingers. It’s on the roof of the vagina about 2.5-3 inches inside. There is not one correct spot for all females. Whatever you find that feels good you should go with.

Masturbating is healthy and completely normal. There is no shame in it and it can be really fun when you explore it. You can use toys alone or in a relationship. Mutual masturbating is a great and safe way to show your partner what you enjoy.

Now here are the best G-spot vibrators I have found. Happy playing!

    1. Desire Luxury Rechargeable G-Spot Vibrator – This is a great vibrator for those who like to play with different pulses and patterns. It has 12 levels of intensity and 8 patterns of vibrations. The curved tip is perfect for hitting that area and the silicone is easy to clean and take care of. On sale for $63.99. 59244-0040
    2. G-Power Extra Quiet Silicone Vibrator – This is such a cutie and easy for beginners. It’s also not too noisy. Honestly, some vibrators can sound like heavy machinery. But this one has a quiet motor and it’s relatively small. So if you like to be sneaky with it or travel a lot, this one is great. Once again the bulb directly stimulates your G-spot. $22.9963349-022
    3. Bender – Unbound is a great place for high quality and cute pastel vibrators. The bender is cool because it literally bends to your liking. It’s waterproof and uses USB charging. It can stimulate your G-spot, clit, or be used for overall stimulation. It’s simple and easy to use for beginners. $69.00Screen Shot 2020-01-31 at 1.32.06 PM
    4. The Rabbit – If you are familiar with Sex and the City you know this one. It’s a favorite and was one of my first toys. Happy Rabbit offers many different great vibrators. They have a cute name and this one looks like a little rabbit! The head rotates and vibrates inside the vagina while the external head vibrator stimulates the clit. It’s rechargeable, waterproof, and offers 15 vibrations. On sale for $71.9971503-00
    5. Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator – This vibrator is sold out and hard to find because it’s just too good. Satisfyer is a pro at making a clit sucking toy that uses air and suction to create a oral sex feeling. This combined with the vibrating G-spot wand offers a deep stimulation. If you like external and internal play, this toy is it. On sale for $54.95 pro-g-spot-rabbit-satisfyer-satprograb-g-spot-vibrators-satisfyer
    6. Le wand –  The wand is a classic and necessary for any toy collection. It’s pretty powerful and can also be used as a overall body massager… I promise it’s a vibrator though. What makes it special is the attachments such as the G-spot stimulator. You put it over the head of the wand and it’s a G-spot target zone. They also have a travel size one, called Le Wand Petite. Too cute! $170.00le-wand-massager-pearl-white-06
    7. We-Vibe Rave – Similar to the Rabbit but simpler, this toy rotates and twists inside the vagina. Rotation can increase your chance of orgasm. The unique bend of the wand and twists hit the G- spot. It also has an app where you can customize your vibrations. Waterproof, rechargeable, and ten different vibrations. $119.00 4693-a-we-vibe-rave
    8. Fun Factory Tiger G5– If you like something a little extra and some power in your toys, this one is for you. The sleek black wand has ripples and curves up for ultimate G-spot stimulation. It also offers a loop handle so it’s easy to control. Strong, rechargeable, and waterproof. I think it’s a pretty sexy looking toy… $139.99
      FF_TIGER_BlackLine__70578.1479774514.500.500
    9. Lovelife Cuddle G-spot Vibe – Another cutie!! Comes in pink or blue. This is a great rechargeable G-spot vibrator for a decent price. If you want something simple and not over the top this little guy is it. It has seven different vibration patterns and is waterproof. $69.00
      4463-a-lovelife-cuddle-g-spot-vibe
    10. Orchid G – This toy is great for beginners and with it’s 8 inch wand it’s perfect for reaching the G- spot. It comes in a cutie blue or purple. The strong vibrating bulb on top of the wand offers direct stimulation and it’s affordable. The only downside is that it requires batteries (not rechargeable). $24.0029483_1

There are hundreds of different vibrators out there and I believe there is something for everyone. These are just my recommendations for G- spot ones! Exploring with different toys can be liberating and leave us feeling powerful. Masturbating is good for your mental and physical health. It can reduce stress, help you fall asleep, and help you embrace your body!

The simple answer to this is yes yes and yes. It is completely normal to have sex while you are on your period. Period sex may seem uncomfortable and embarrassing but it can be very enjoyable and a lot of men do not mind it. If your partner does mind it maybe try reminding them that blood is natural and similar to other fluids that are exchanged during sex. Period sex is just like normal sex, just a little messier.

Period sex will not protect you from the possibility of becoming pregnant or STDS. The only way to prevent from STDS and pregnancies is by using a condom.

Having your period is natural and it is 100% safe to have period sex. In fact, having sex on your period actually has some nice benefits!

  • Satisfies the extra horny-ness inside of you. The fluctuation in hormones on your period are linked to a higher sex drive either right before or during the start of your menstrual cycle. This is why some women are more aroused on their period.
  • Relief of menstrual cramps. When you orgasm dopamine and endorphins are released. The release of these chemicals can alleviate cramps and other period symptoms such as backache, headache, etc.
  • Natural lubrication. Blood acts as a natural lubricant and adds to the warmth of the vagina. The extra fluid and warmth can be a benefit for both partners!
  • Greater sensations. There is a lot of hormones and blood flow happening on your period, so it can make things down there more sensitive and heightened.

If you and your partner do decide to engage in sex on your period, make sure you remove your tampon prior to messing around. Forgetting to remove a tampon prior to sex can push the tampon too far up the vagina and you will have to have a doctor remove it.

Having your period is a beautiful and amazing thing. Sharing this experience with your partner can be a positive thing and bring you closer together. It can also empower you as a woman to embrace your body when its bloated, bleeding, achy and running it’s natural course. Just because you are on your period does not mean you don’t deserve pleasure.

Things to keep in mind when having sex on your period:

  • Blood can get on your sheets, partner, or yourself. You can lay a dark colored towel down if you are worried about the mess. It is not as messy as you think it will be, and if it does start to get too messy you can always communicate with your partner that you want to stop. If you have a heavy flow the mess may not be worth it to you.
  • Keep a wet washcloth or wet wipes near by. You can easily wipe yourself off afterwards (also obvi take a shower after)
  • Some positions may be more uncomfortable than usual, since there is more sensitivity going on, and you will need to communicate with your partner on what feels good and what does not. Due to gravity, laying down positions can be less messy and more comfortable.
  • Use latex condoms!!

There is nothing dirty or shameful about having sex on your period. With the correct communication and a little bit of preparation the experience can be really wonderful for both partners. It’s not for everyone, but it is normal to have. Just because you’re on your period doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex!

 

 

I was that little girl who grew up watching every princess movie and I longed for my “one true love.” Well a couple doses of hard reality have hit me and I am now questioning this conversation. It could be because I grew up in a divorced family and never really saw what a healthy love looked like or it could be that my understanding on the topic grew. But as I explore this idea further and ask other people I have to wonder, does monogamy exist or is just an idea we have formed because of what society has shown us?

To start, a non-monogamous relationship does not always equal polyamory (having multiple committed relationships at the same time). Non-monogamy can be done in different ways. Some are; polyamory, swinging, open relationships, dating around and going to sex/play parties as either an individual or couple. Non-monogamy is not just physical acts with other people. Sometimes you can be sexually intimate with someone and have another person whom you share emotional intimacy with. This is an example of non-monogamy.

It seems to me as though everyone is in non-monogamous relationships. I recently went to a workshop where couples came to seek other individuals to bring into the mix. I was extremely confused as to how you could be committed to someone yet want to explore intimacy with other people. As I started talking to people I discovered a new understanding of this non-monogamous stuff.

Whether you choose to be with just one person or explore relations with other people at the same time it’s all about finding what works for you. Some people find non-monogamy the same as cheating. Non-monogamy and cheating is not the same. Cheating is when you have clearly defined your monogamous relationship and then your partner physically abuses this dynamic. The trust between you and your partner is broken. Cheating is most commonly defined as the act of sex or any physical activity with another person. Cheating can be a blurry topic because some individuals consider sharing intimate moments or non-physical activity with another person as cheating. That’s why it’s very important to communicate what you both need and want so there are clear boundaries.

In a non-monogamous relationship there is still trust and honest communication between both parties. You have both clearly defined what you are to each other and you both agree that you can share moments with other people. Just like any other relationship, non-monogamous relationships take work. Before committing to a non-monogamous relationship it’s important to do some research and be very honest about what you are comfortable with. Here are some tips on how to ease into a non-monogamous relationship.

1. Start with baby steps.

Society treats monogamy as the only acceptable form of a relationship so it’s important to figure out what makes you comfortable, not everyone else. This can start by going on combined dates or having casual sex before emotionally committing. Do not rush into this and make sure you both are 100% ready to start this process.

2. Accept the jealousy.

One major obstacle with non-monogamy is the chance of jealously. If you know you will become jealous when your partner is on a date, you should either not participate in this type of relationship or find a way to manage and accept it. Sometimes you can’t give your partner everything they need and that is okay. You also may have needs that they cannot meet.

3. Create an agreement.

It sounds strange but sitting down and outlining what you both want is very important. These agreements can range from setting a rule about both practicing condom usage with other partners to clearly stating who you can/cannot have sex with. By clearly defining what you both need the chances of becoming upset are less likely. Create a rule for what happens if these agreements get broken and come to a mutual understanding of each others desires. Also be aware that situations can occur and you may have to re-negotiate with your partner. It’s normal to keep coming back to these needs and re-evaluating them as time passes.

4. Communicate. Communicate.

This is so important in any relationship. You both have to honestly express your expectations and worries before diving into this. You need to be very honest with how this will make you feel and be patient when building this dynamic. It is also important to stay communicating throughout the process. This is what can lead to the breaking of trust and then it is not a consensual relationship. It can be scary telling your partner about your other relations but it’s important to always communicate when a situation occurs and build that trust. As we grow and explore what works for us our desires can change. If we are no longer happy in a non-monogamous relationship it is also important to communicate that.

5. Research and find a supportive community.

There are numerous guides and books to help you navigate what a non-monogamous relationship can be like. The Ethical Slut and Opening Up both discuss open relationships and give a helpful guide to people interested in this. There are also groups who can provide comfort and reassurance. Meetup.com is an online platform that connects you with other people/groups that participate in open relationships. Engaging in these communities can make you not feel alone in this.

Non-monogamous relationships are viewed as inhumane within society and there is a huge stigma around them. This stigma all starts with the movies and mainstream media. Society is most comfortable with two people falling in love, having children, and living happily ever after. This is the “right way” to live and is associated with the goodness of our character. If you do have multiple sexual/romantic partners in your life or do not follow this path, you can still be a trustworthy and good person.

At the end of the day if you are happy and enjoy your relationship with someone that is all that matters.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of attending a rope bondage class by Yin Q. Yin Q has been a BDSM practitioner for over twenty years. Q has been featured in publications such as Paper Magazine and Huff Post. I highly recommend attending one of her group or private classes, public speaking engagements, or any other classes offered. She is truly amazing.

I have always been interested in BDSM culture but this was my first class on rope bondage. Rope bondage is just one small section of BDSM, or kinks. BDSM is basically an umbrella term for kinks. BDSM is largely misinterpreted because of movies & media. It is shown as a warped power struggle – or even abuse. You can combine submission, sadism, and masochism in a healthy way. For those unfamiliar with the BDSM culture here are some terms to know:

Submissive – One who gives, relents, or doesn’t have power.

Sadism/Sadist – Someone who finds enjoyment in giving pain to another/the act of enjoying giving pain to another. Sadists like pain for many different reasons; some are sexual, some aren’t.

Masochism/Masochist – Someone who enjoys pain/the act of enjoying pain. Can sometimes indicate the feeling of pain as pleasure, or the simple enjoyment of pain as pain.

Bottom – A role referring to the person receiving sensation.  One who receives sensation of action.

Top – A role referring to the person giving sensation. One who gives sensation or action.

Safe Words – These are very important to establish because part of the fun can be yelling “no no” but you do not actually mean stop. These words can be used to stop, pause, or completely end a scene. “Yellow” is most commonly used for pause and “Red” is used to stop. Using “Red” three times means completely end scene.

A scene is a pre-planned space where BDSM activities take place. The scene is discussed fully and consists of an agreed upon beginning, middle, and end. 

These terms and more definitions of kinks can be found from one of my favorites, Rekink.

Kinks can range from using cuffs, rope, biting, blind folds, nipple clamps, fisting, tickling, to more uncommon kinks such as wax play, sounding, animal fur, pins/needles or sharp objects, staging a murder, fire play, tooth fetish, golden showers, etc. There are lists out there with “all” kinks within BDSM but our imaginations are limitless, so do not feel restricted by these lists.

Now since I have discussed the basics of BDSM, time to get into the actual act of bondage. The best way to learn how to actually do the knots is to take a class but I will share my tips.

  1. Nylon rope is the best for starters and for your skin. Nylon is soft yet strong, so the knots stay in place. It is also relatively cheap and easy to find. Etsy has some good rope and cute colors to choose from.
  2. If your bottom does use a safe word and the scene is over cut the rope calmly and quickly. Even if you have beautifully tied them up and it took 20 minutes. Their safety is most important. Etsy also has some good safety shears that cut nylon rope easily. Make sure you have some when participating in bondage.
  3. Be careful of key pressure points. There is a very sensitive nerve on the upper arm -halfway down the outside of your upper arm – so make sure you move the rope either higher or lower to avoid this point.
  4. Start with wrists, lower calfs, lower stomach, and upper thighs. Always make sure you can fit two fingers between the skin and rope. Yin Q recommends not tying the neck until you are an expert.
  5. Tingling is normal for 20 minutes. If the pins and needles continue for longer the rope may need to moved or the scene may need to end.
  6. Always check in on your bottom to make sure their fingers can move easily.
  7. Minor injures from bondage can occur so treat like any other rash or burn. After the ropes are removed there may be slight indents on the skin. These will fade in about 20 minutes.
  8. When tying knots use the over under method. This makes the knots tight.

Rope Bondage is about communication and understanding each others needs. It is very important to discuss prior to a scene what you want and what you do not want. Checking on your bottom throughout the scene is critical and it can also help to discuss after the scene. Being restrained can be very calming and invigorating if done in a healthy way.

Playing with bondage is usually an emotional and intimate activity. It can be rough, soft, or anywhere in between. Make sure you really trust your partner and that you both feel safe and comfortable prior to a scene. Communicate your needs. Check in with each other throughout the scene and do not be afraid to speak up. Bondage should be a pleasurable and freeing experience.

Vaginas have this magical thing called a PH level. Maintaining a normal PH level is essential to a healthy vagina. The desired level is between a 3.8 and a 4.5.

This means there is a balance between good and bad bacteria. Vaginas naturally have a good bacteria called Lactobacillus (a microbiome) that protects against STIs and infections. This bacteria actually feeds on glycogen found in vaginal mucus and emits lactic acid and sometimes hydrogen peroxide. Lactic acid and hydrogen peroxide are what kill bad bacteria and viruses so it’s very important to keep this bacteria alive.

I know it sounds weird that there is a good bacteria in your vagina but trust me it’s normal and every female has it. An unbalanced PH level simply means you have an infection/irritation.

When the levels are higher than a 7 bad bacteria can grow because it is too acidic down there (the good bacteria is too low). PH levels are measured by your gyno and this test is what determines the type of the infection. If you are itchy, smelly, or irritated that means your PH level is off!

If you do have an unbalanced PH level it’s important to treat it or the infection may become worse. Here are some natural and effective ways to treat an unbalanced vagina:

1. Tea tree oil. Dilute tea tree oil in a bath for best results or onto a warm towel and lightly press around the infected area. Use 2-3 drops. Not only does this help fight off infections, but it also calms any symptoms of burning or itching.

2. Apple cider vinegar. Combine 1-2 tablespoons of vinegar with water and drink 2-3 times a day until infection is gone.

3. Oregano oil. The thymol and carvacrol in oregano oil help treat infections. Dilute 2-3 drops with water and actually drink the oil!! You can drink this twice a day for a week.

(When it comes to oils never directly apply to the vagina. Always dilute in water first)

4. Do not douche!! I hear so many women say that douching is a great way to clean/get rid of bacteria but any gyno will tell you not to do it! It actually removes the healthy bacteria and can spread bacteria from the cervix into the uterus. Douches that are sold in supermarkets are filled with fragrances and antiseptics.

4. Yogurt. I’m telling you, yogurt saves vaginas. You can either eat it or even apply a thin layer on the infected area. Just make sure the yogurt is low in sugar and natural. Greek yogurt is the best.

5. Garlic. Eating 1-2 gloves of raw garlic a day can help fight off infections. Do not apply a garlic paste or cream on your vagina. This can actually be too aggressive and irritate the vagina lining.

6. Virgin coconut oil. Wash and dry vagina prior to applying a thin layer of coconut oil over the area and keep it on until symptoms subside.

7. Epsom salt baths! These work really well for me. 2-3 cups of Epsom salts in a warm bath for 10-15 minutes does the trick.

8. Eating fermented foods like kimchi, sauerkraut, and coconut or grass-fed kefir can also help balance out the levels. I try to drink kombucha 2-3 times a week because it fights off yeast and improves the immune system.

These are all tips I have learned from my gyno (and they work for me) but there are many other natural remedies that may work better for you. Every female reacts differently to infections.

If your infection still doesn’t go away within 2-3 days or the symptoms become worse, consult your doctor. You may need an anti-fungal medicine. These home remedies are a great start because they can preserve the good bacteria in your vagina, unlike harsh creams and antibiotics.

I suggest doing some of these treatments even if you don’t have an infection. Even if it’s once a month, your PH level will thank you. 🙂

We have all been there… You get a little itch and you think it’s the end of the world but it’s just a yeast infection. Although uncomfortable and somewhat embarrassing, they are nothing to be ashamed of! Yeast infections are treatable and not always from sex. You can get a yeast infection from wearing underwear too long, wiping weird, or eating an unbalanced diet.

Yeast infections occur when there is an overgrowth of yeast in the vagina. Since the PH level of a vagina can fluctuate a lot as a young woman it’s very easy to build up too much yeast and cause an infection. It sounds really gross but trust me they are common and very normal to experience. The vagina is always cleaning and changing!

There are other common infections such as UTI’s or Bacterial Vaginosis (BV). A BV can occur when changing partners because the vagina is getting used to a different sexual chemistry. Since the vagina can easily be disturbed, the new partner can throw off the PH balance and an overgrowth of bacteria can form. This infection is also treatable and can sometimes be mistaken for a yeast infection.

If you have any burning, itching, or un usual discharge it is most likely a BV or yeast infection. When I have had yeast infections in the past I always know because of the itchiness and discharge. A BV is more painful and uncomfortable and a UTI usually burns while peeing/sex.

UTI’s, BV’s, and yeast infections can all be treated and are normal to experience!! Here are some overall tips on how to avoid upsetting your vagina PH levels:

  1. Wipe front to back!! I still see women wipe from back to front and that can cause bacteria to transfer into your vagina. Don’t do it.
  2. Wear cotton underwear and change it regularly. Nylon and spandex underwear traps moisture which can make yeast grow.
  3. Eat foods that balance your PH levels. My gyno always tells me to eat yogurt because of the probiotics but if you don’t like yogurt you should take a probiotic supplement. Probiotics are very important for vagina health. (they keep bacteria from growing!) I take Renew Life Women’s complete Probiotic but you can find probiotics at most supermarkets.
  4.  Eat veggies, fruits, and not too much sugar! Sugar promotes yeast growth in the vagina because yeast tends to thrive in moist and sweet environments. This is also why alcohol can cause infections because of the sugar. So stay away from a lot of that too.
  5. If you are prescribed an antibiotic you must take an anti-fungal medicine with it! Since antibiotics kill bacteria it also kills the good bacteria needed in the vagina so you need to balance it out with another medication.
  6. Stay away from scented soaps and feminine products. This is a big one. Natural products are so much better for your vagina because scented ones have tons of artificial chemicals that can cause bacteria to grow. (tip: do not wash your vagina with soap, just use warm water and a cloth because the soap can actually mess up your PH level)
  7. Sleep more!! Sounds silly, but when your immune system is down it’s easier to get an infection. Sleep can lower the risk of infection and keep your vagina PH levels stable.
  8. Lastly, drink a ton of water. This flushes out any bad bacteria and helps promote healthy PH levels. I try to drink 2-3 liters a day.

These tips are simple and easy to remember! It’s important to do all of these, not just one, in order to maintain a happy and healthy vagina 🙂

Next I will discuss PH levels in the vagina and some natural remedies for treating infections. xx

When it comes to condoms some people get nervous to ask for one or think they don’t need to because they are on birth control. Asking to use a condom during sex should NEVER be pushed away. It’s not awkward to ask for a condom because it is your right to have safe and satisfying sex! You should never feel unsafe or worried about having sex with your partner. It’s normal to ask during the moment “do you have a condom?” or even discussing it prior to sex.

Birth control only prevents pregnancies, not STDS and infections. When a condom is used correctly it can prevent STDS and infections up to 98% of the time. So even if you are on birth control it’s very important and normal to want to use a condom.

Some men say condoms don’t feel good, they can’t finish with one, or even the classic “aren’t you on birth control?” These are all sayings that can make women feel uncomfortable about asking to use a condom and are excuses. If you use the correct size, style, and lube condoms can be more comfortable.

If you and your partner have established that unprotected sex is okay with you both then that’s great. But if there is any forcing or negotiating you out of using a condom it’s probably best to not sleep with that person. The man should respect your decision and know that it’s also protecting them!

Now here is how to properly use a condom:

  1. Make sure there are no holes or scratches on the wrapper (this usually means there is a small hole in the condom and defeats the purpose of using one)
  2. Check expiration dates. Storing condoms in hot places can damage the latex faster, so it’s actually best to not put them in your wallet because of body heat.
  3. Open wrapper carefully and make sure the right side is up (the side with the little tip facing up sorta looks like a small hat)
  4. After un rolling the condom and slightly placing it over the penis, pinch the tip with your thumb and index finger. You want to pinch it to make room for the semen.
  5. While holding the tip in one hand use the other hand to completely roll the condom down until it reaches the end.
  6. Ready to go!

Carry your own condoms and never be afraid to communicate your wants during sex.

To remove a condom, it’s easier to remove when still hard because it helps avoid spilling semen. Toss it in the garbage and do not flush it down the toilet!!

 

 

This topic is something that gets me heated. It’s extremely frustrating that any form of social media impacts how we have relationships. It impacts how we think, speak, and sleep with each other.

It’s so easy to scroll through Instagram and be bombarded by millions of people who are easily reachable. It’s tempting to hit them with a couple likes or even a cute lil DM. It’s easy to get lost in the social media flirting game.

Social media can ruin trust between two people. It’s easy to overthink it and question what your partner is doing behind the screen. Does a flirty DM mean you want them sexually? Does liking a provocative photo when you are taken mean you want to sleep with them? Or are you already sleeping with them? These are questions I have heard SO many times & seen people get upset about. Including myself. It’s easy to get in your head about what your partner is up to and it’s even easier for your partner to hide it behind their phone. This lack of trust will obviously impact the relationship mentally and physically. Without trust, a relationship just won’t work.

This easy DM thing also destroys all honest & real communication between two people. It’s easy to talk to someone over text or Instagram and think you know who they are, what they like, and create an idea of how things might go sexually (and mentally!) This then leads to expectations that are probably going to let you down. You can create all these expectations in your head about what your relationship is and how well you know someone just by text and social media. It can be awkward if our expectations go wrong and can cause us to feel vulnerable or uncomfortable. This leads to a lack in communication. Since we are used to talking over a screen it can be hard to express ourselves if something gets awkward. No one enjoys actually speaking face-to-face about these problems, but hey they can send you an “I’m sorry” DM.

It’s easy to hide messages, delete conversations, and basically make it look like you are something you’re not. Everyone knows this and our generation is the worst yet nothing really changes. If you ever have a suspicion that your partner is not telling the truth, yet a name with a heart emoji pops up every second of the day, just leave. Literally walk out of the room. I have learned the hard way and it’s just not worth it. A relationship should be built off trust and honest communication. When you trust your partner and feel comfortable expressing yourself in person your sexual relationship will thrive.

Social media and texting will always impact our relationships but that doesn’t mean everyone out here is sending wild DM’s. This wasn’t just a rant about DM’s. It’s deeper than that. Social media impacts how we view ourselves therefore impacting our confidence with others. I have seen my friends get seriously hurt about this stuff and question themselves because of a silly Instagram situation. Put your phone down and communicate with the person you like. If you do have someone who is faithful to you, hold on to them!

This then leads me to my next tangent which is how porn impacts our perception on sex.

Porn alters how women AND men view sex. Men who watch porn develop unrealistic expectations when it comes to how a female operates sexually. Most of the time the man just penetrates the female after about five minutes of kissing, or they don’t even show the romance and build up, it just goes straight to vaginal sex. This is unrealistic because it takes time for a female to become lubricated enough for penetration. You can’t just kiss on someone and then expect them to be ready for vaginal sex. In reality it takes trust and time before sex can happen. They also make the females look insanely turned on and make moaning/ screaming noises that are “sexy” and loud. Not every female is vocal and that is normal.

It also impacts how men think women want to be spoken to during a sexual act. Porn will depict a female gagging on a males dick while he moans “you like that cock” or “you dirty slut.” These statements can be fine if consent and communication is exchanged between the partners but porn does not show that part. These behaviors can be extremely degrading and not acceptable if there is no prior conversation about what the female likes. Porn has a way of making everything seem very sudden and it takes away the aspect of respect for each other. There is no intimacy or playfulness prior to sex. It is very unlikely that you would be saying these types of things to someone you do not have trust with. The actors on screen seem to have little respect for each other – leading males to think that it’s okay to speak/treat women the same way.

It also makes it seem like any sexual act is an easy and smooth process. Being comfortable with someone and performing some of the acts that porn shows can take time and communication. It’s never that simple. This easy process can make females and men feel vulnerable or uncomfortable in real life. By watching certain porn videos the viewer can create all these unrealistic ideas of how things will happen. Women and men can feel shameful or “not sexy enough” if something becomes awkward in the bedroom. They never show awkward situations in porn and that is NOT real. The condom might not fit perfectly, you might need to switch positions until it feels right, or maybe the man cums within in a couple minutes. Then all hell breaks loose! I honestly do not know why cumming fast for a man is frowned upon and why it creates an awkward sexmosphere. Both sexes should finish during sex and be pleased. Porn also can create these crazy ideas on how a female cums. I am going to write another post on squirting and just the female ejaculation in general but come on, these videos are ridiculous.

Porn can lead us to become disappointed with the sex we have/the person we have it with because it creates an exciting situation when in reality sex can be really weird. Women are shown with perfect figures, huge boobs, shaved vaginas, etc. Men are shown with perfect abs, big dicks, and amazing performances. If you think this is what people actually look like/perform like, of course you will be disappointed.

If you do have an experience that is not what you thought or your sexual expectations let you down, just be honest & open with your partner. Try to talk about it and know that not everything is a smooth process.

Sex is complicated and can be even more awkward when you put pressure and expectations on it. Everyone performs differently and porn videos do not show real connections, messy situations, or awkward moments between two people when having sex. Porn is not all bad though and it is completely normal to watch. For both sexes!

When it comes to the female orgasm the conversation is blurred. For some reason our society has made it all about the male orgasm and once the man orgasms you are then “done” and you are supposed to just lay there satisfied because your man is. I rarely have a man say “did you cum?” after sex because they usually just assume I did too. I find this ridiculous and sort of laughable. Pleasing your partner feels great but you deserve the same feeling. Sex should be an equal activity.

An orgasm is very different for men and women. This post is going to focus on the female side. There is a huge lack of research and knowledge around how the female orgasms. As a female, it is completely okay to not orgasm. This does not mean you can’t orgasm – it just means that you haven’t, or do not from sex. If you look up stories on how many women do not orgasm you will not feel alone. Stress, anxiety, fatigue, and other emotional responses can make it difficult to reach an orgasm.

A vaginal orgasm, or climax, is defined as an explosive discharge of neuromuscular tensions at the peak of sexual response. Two alterations in the genital organs vasocongestion (when the blood swells up) and myotonia (muscle tension) are the cause of orgasm. The response to these stimuli are focused in the vaginal area but there is also a total body response. Being “wet” does not mean you have orgasmed. An orgasm is the peak of sexual climax where as being wet is just our vaginas naturally releasing fluids during arousal.

You do not always scream and moan when you are orgasming. Some are more silent about the climax and some aren’t. Either way is normal. I blame movies and porn for the unrealistic portrayal of female orgasms. They show women climaxing from penetration alone and sometimes it’s not that easy. MANY women do not orgasm from penetration alone. If you do orgasm from penetration alone, lucky you.

The length of an orgasm varies and can last anywhere between 7 and 107 seconds. On average women take 20 minutes to reach orgasm.

Vaginal orgasms are the most difficult to achieve but it is the most common way people think of pleasure. Only about 5% to 15% of people with vaginas orgasm just from vaginal intercourse. When it comes to vaginal orgasms circular motions (rather than an in-and-out movement) and repeating motions that feel good can increase possibility of orgasm.

Vaginal intercourse is NOT the only way to orgasm. There are many other ways to orgasm such as clitoral and vulva stimulation, using fingers, oral sex, or adding a toy. Two thirds of women prefer direct clitoral stimulation, and the most popular motions are up and down, circular shape, and side to side. Around 1 in 10 women prefer firm pressure, while most prefer light to medium touch on their vulva. When using a finger mimicking the “come hither” motion is often effective. This is when the index and middle finger are inserted into the vagina, palm up. As the fingers are are moving in and out, they must curl them up as if they were motioning someone to “come here,” rubbing the G spot. When combined with oral techniques this can cause an orgasm.

Oral sex should be reciprocal but it often is not. This is bullshit.

There is debate that every women needs clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm because there is no clear/ right way to orgasm. Every woman is different in what they prefer and this is why being open about what you want is critical.

So why are women not getting the orgasms they deserve each time? Studies show that women have been taught not to speak about what they want in bed and will be perceived as pushy. Another reason is simply not enough education and communication around the subject!!

I recommend getting to know your own body so you can figure out what you need and then you can show/tell/ guide your partner into what feels good. There is no shame in guiding your partner or telling them what feels good. Honest communication with your partner and being comfortable with your sexual preferences will help you achieve an orgasm. If you are having sex your pleasure should be just as important as your partners. I don’t know why sex has became so focused on the male ejaculation but ladies it’s time to speak up and get some orgasm equality!!